Yesterday, I knew that it was time for a haircut. The relationship with my then current hair-style had gone more than stale. I was bored. I needed something new. So I did what any half-mad mother of 5 would do - I went short, from shoulder length. Boy what a reaction! Everyone in the salon praised me, and my brave move. They all thought it looked great. I felt years younger.
When I arrived at home, T and C looked at me in amazement. C cried out, "Who are you?" and laughed a big belly laugh while claiming that he liked it. I don't think they really remember the last time my hair was short. It was quite a while ago, and they were both very small. The boys had been caring for A - and I thought she'd be very glad to see me, too. Her crying, however, was something I didn't expect, and I was dumbfounded when she refused, even, to eat. I knew she had to be hungry. Then to my utter amazement, she hopped down from my lap and ran, looking back only to throw a scorching glance my way. It finally dawned on me. She didn't recognize me. I was a complete stranger to her. As she ran, she bawled, "Mamaaaaaaa. . . . Mamaaaaaa." The boys found the whole thing extremely funny, and basked in the glow of A not wanting anything to do with me. They cuddled and consoled her. C, who has been dying to form some kind of connection with her and has been quite hurt by her rebuffs was finally able to get her calmed down and nearly asleep. Through her half open eyes, she was watching me, still. She seemed to be softening a little.
I thought about what I could do to ease her pain. I pulled back my hair tight against my head - I had often worn it up before, and she seemed okay with that. It did the trick. This time, she reached for me, and although she seemed a bit hesitant, I knew that the healing had begun. My little A and I were nearly reconciled! It was nap time, and she was ready for her old routine whether or not she was completely sure of me. Off to dreamland for my little one.
When she awakened, she looked at me and laughed, pointing at my head. I took it as a compliment, since the last time she had run away, screaming.
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