What a difference a year makes

Granted a year is a long time, but in most ways, it was a lifetime ago. We had just moved into our new home, and I was a completely different person. I liked who I was, but I was not nearly as strong as I am today. It makes me wonder if the changes of the coming year will find me an older version of who I am today, or once again, someone new. I'm betting on stronger. This past March I could barely stand to look into the future. Seven months later, I am actively pursuing the future - at least in terms of taking control of what I can control. I'm not afraid anymore. Lest I sound too bold, the peace I possess now has come to me through faith in God. I've been supported and strengthened by angels through the most agonizing trials I've faced in life thus far. I don't know what life will bring, but I'm willing to do my part to make it great. Life is good. A year later, I enjoy knowing the children coming to my door to trick or treat. It's fun to greet neighbors and friends. I enjoy knowing myself better, too.

Planting

In late spring I bought four bags of soil and a bale of peat moss. I fully intended to put them right out into the yard when I arrived home. The lack of flower beds was tiresome to me, I love to see flowers blooming everywhere. We have an abundance of grass, and one little area by the front door which from time to time will allow a flower to grow. It's a nice sized bed, probably about 8 feet by 10 feet, but there's not much soil. Mostly, it grows rocks. I'm sure that they are multiplying - there seem to be more of them every time I try to dig. As far as the soil I purchased goes, it stayed in the garage all summer.
The other day, I was driving around and I had the strangest thought cross my mind. "You need to plant some bulbs." Of all flowers, they are my favorite. I love watching tulips and daffodils come up in the spring. So, yes, I enjoy the flowers - I wanted to plant some. I hadn't purchased any yet, however. I wasn't sure what I wanted. It was just odd to me - "You need to plant some bulbs." Well this morning, my mother called. She had just purchased to big bags of bulbs, one of tulips and one of daffodils, and wanted us to come plant half at her house and take the rest home. That certainly took care of the "what to plant". With lots of hands, (the kids all helped), the work was done quickly. When we got home, I dragged out the soil and peat moss and dumped it in a pile between the two window wells in the front. The bulbs were planted in no time, with the help of my three youngest children. We put most of them in that new flower bed, with one small group near the door. I want to toss some seeds into both of the beds, too. Some Shasta Daisies would be nice. Maybe some Cosmos. I have a lot of seed that I've kept through the years. This is the perfect time to throw them down. It's such a nice surprise when things start to sprout in the springtime. I never had better flower beds than the ones I seeded in the fall. As I recall, I planted those beds in response to a similar prompting. Sometimes things don't grow the way I'd like them to but one thing that is absolutely sure - If nothing is planted, nothing will grow. I'm not sure right now why I needed to plant. It may have to do how wonderful they'll look in the spring. It may be the experience my children had. At any rate, I may never know exactly why - but I needed to plant some bulbs. And now I have. Maybe someday I'll know why.

Parents know everything

I always loved my parents. I thought they were perfect. It was kind amazing to me when as an adult, I realized that they were just people. They were admittedly very good people who had made many good choices and serious commitments to themselves and to their God about how the would raise their children. It today's world, they are a miracle. Growing up in that family was more than just a blessing, it was the greatest gift I received as a child and a person. I think everyone of us six girls would agree. We are still very close as a family, no one is estranged regardless of the choices that we as the daughters have made. I think that one of the most difficult things for parents is the recognition and acceptance of the fact that their children are not perfect and that they will make mistakes like anyone else. We have made mistakes. My parents have been amazing through everything. My mother is an astonishing example of love, faith and patience. My father was not kidding when he said that he married an angel. She may not be perfect, but there isn't much holding her back. Having five children of my own, I recognize that deeply now. I recognize how incredibly strong she was when my Dad was out to sea for months or a year at a time, (he was a Navy Chaplain). She never let us down. She kept her commitments. We were a family, and she was the head at those times. Life for us was the same - we missed Dad, but that was nothing compared to what Mom must have felt. I'm sure she mourned his empty chair each day until he returned. Speaking of my Dad, he never let us down, either. He was, of necessity, physically absent for a while from time to time, but I don't ever recall seeing my mother cry because of him, ever. He cherishes my mother, and we all know it. The only times I remember him really getting upset was when we showed disrespect for my mother. I daresay there aren't many people in the world, unfortunately, that can claim that about their father. Of course as a teen, I was pretty sure that they were out of touch. My mom sewed way more of our clothes than I thought was really smart to admit. And sometimes, my Dad would wear a turquoise shirt with these light yellow pants. We were so embarrassed. You could see the shirt through the pants. I mean seriously. What could be more embarrassing to a teen than being seen in public with your father while he was wearing that? Oh. It was miserable - from a "coolness" standpoint. You know, though, I sensed something about them even then that I know to be true today. They provided an ideal environment for the growth and nurture of young human beings. They were, and still are, amazing. I value their opinions and guidance more now than ever. I will honestly never feel bad that my children love their grandparents so much. If I could, I'd go right back to that awkward stage (you know, the most painful time for a young person in their growing years). I'd soak up all the love and watch them even more carefully with my own children in mind. I'd probably see that I'm doing better than I think I am. I believe that I'm ready to accept the sentence I see coming in the very near future. "Mother of a teenage son." It is inevitable, and I hope to see him through every painful minute. I don't think I'll spend too awfully much of my time worrying about whether or not I'm embarrassing to him. I am what I am. There will be turquoise shirt and yellow pants moments, to be sure - at least from his perspective. But, he'll know that I love him. He probably won't understand how much until much later in his life, but that's fine. Like watching a glorious sunset, and realizing what a beautiful day it had been, I think that's the way it's supposed to be.

Wouldn't you know it

Knowing me, you might be inclined to say that if I can say yes to something, I will. Maybe you'd say that I tend to say yes even when I shouldn't. There's a lot going on in my life right now, some of which is not pleasant. When a friend called to see if I'd like to be involved with The Successful Mothering Convention what I said was, "Let me tell you what's going on with me." The more we talked, however, the clearer it became that this was an opportunity that I shouldn't pass up. So I've been designing signs for their Mini-Convention on November 3rd. Interestingly enough, two old friends of mine that hadn't known each other previously ended up on the executive board of the convention, and when there were needs to be met, they both thought of me. Also, interesting to me, I had been thinking of these two recently - one of them just the night before the phone call. I don't think that was coincidence. I think I'm meant to be working with this group, and that the skills I learn and the people I meet will be valuable to me in the future. I know that some people don't believe in God, but when things like this happen at times like these, I think of Him. I feel His hand in my life and I'm grateful.

Grandma's 90th Birthday Celebration

I don't think anyone would guess that Grandma is 90. She's been with me all my life, and when I look at her she just never seems to change. My uncle made a very nice display of "her life" yesterday. Her Wedding dress and the dress she wore the "rest of the day" on her wedding day were there. That was like reaching back in time. Of course when I see her wedding photos, I can see that she's changed. When I see photos of her taken when I was a small girl, I can see that she's changed. I guess it's my heart that sees her as unchanging. The heart certainly can see. The Grandma I knew as a little girl is still there. She is just as spunky and hardworking as ever and her eyes shine the same way. Physically, her eyes are betraying her, and she can't do most of the things that she used to enjoy so much. She needs naps, because she doesn't sleep very well at night anymore. The last thirty years have taken from her the ability to do just about everything she "used to do." That's very very difficult for her. It's depressing for her. She "used to do" a lot. She had an extensive garden. She preserved just about everything that she didn't eat or give to family and friends. She loved to crochet. She made Afghans for all of her Grandchildren as they graduated from High School. She made a beautiful receiving blanket for my oldest son when he was blessed as a baby. It is one of my prized possessions. She may not be able to do all those things physically anymore, but my heart still sees it. When she smiles I see a thousand other smiles that have crossed her face. When she speaks, I hear so many other things that she's said through the years. I saw this quote recently, and it reminds me of her:
Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. -Pearl S. Buck
I don't know anyone who wouldn't agree that Grandma is a scolding mother - but it IS love just the same. She was always begging us to keep our shoes on in the house so that we wouldn't catch cold. I can hear her tone and inflection in my mind today as though I were sitting in her living room, 15 years old. It made me laugh then and it still does. Who asks you to put your shoes on in their house? Someone who loves you, that's who. Someone who loves you. That's what my heart sees. She loves me just as much today as when she was sending me out to pick beans and raspberries. . . and not to forget the repellant because the skeeters would eat me alive.

The Book

A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream. I dreamt about a being in a bookstore, captivated by a particular book cover. I studied it carefully. I wondered about the author. Then I woke up. It was so vivid. I went downstairs and sketched the cover. I came back upstairs and wrote the book. Since then I've been working on some illustration concepts. Today, I'll be mailing it to a publisher. It was something that I didn't see coming, but something I'm very glad to have done. I'm excited to see where it will go.

I just have a feeling. . .

You know when you get that feeling, the one that says "It seems like there is something going on that day. . ." but you just can't quite figure out what it is? Well, that feeling is head and shoulders above where I found myself on Sunday. Two big events, one which I must attend and wouldn't miss for the world, the other which I helped to plan. At no time during the three weeks prior did I get "that feeling". With less than a week to go, it dawned on me like the summer sun. There was no way to attend both My Grandmother's 90th birthday party and the "SPA Day" for the women at my church. Funny how that is. Strange that it never once occurred to me that they were on the same day. When I finally recognized my error, it was more than just embarrassing. Fortunately for me, my role in the "SPA Day" was very limited. I'll be able to finish all my assignments and drop everything off before I head up to my Grandmother's for the afternoon. There really is no question where I want to be. I would choose my Grandmother even if it were only her 75th or 21st birthday for that matter. She is quite a woman; someone that I revere and love. Although sitting with my feet in a foot bath sounds like something I'd enjoy any other day of the week, on this particular Saturday, it will be my joy to watch her receive her guests - a great number of old friends and loving family members. I am certainly not the only one who holds her in high esteem. I'm sure that there will be some who will not be able to attend, but thankfully, it won't be me. I have a wonderful feeling that it will be very memorable and something I will cherish having been able to be a part of.

Today, October 18th is her 90th - Happy Birthday Grandma!

Loves of My Life.

Of course, my family my greatest priority. That is, I believe, as my Heavenly Father would have it and I feel good about the choices I make that allow me to be here with them during the day. I love to be the one caring for my little ones. I love to pick my children up from school and be the one to hear all that happened, good or bad, in their days. The are the loves of my life. As we all go through the years, however, they need less and less of my constant attention. They have interests too - it's not all about Mom anymore for most of them. Can I just say, Thank Heaven!

I realized that I haven't sewn much since Q was born. It's too scary. I have recently started a project that has been waiting for at least three years. It has been so much fun - except for the part where Q is nearby and there is a real threat that he may push the pedal down when I'm not paying attention. Like I said, it's scary. I take my health into my own hands, but I love fabric. I love working with patterns and colors. I love making beautiful things for my home and family. I've made several wedding dresses. I have skills, and I really enjoy it. Those skills have often blessed my life and through them I've been able to bless others, also. I love my family, but I'm glad that I can sew. It is one of the loves of my life.

I haven't done much scrapbooking in the last couple of years, either. That said, I never dreamed I'd enjoy doing it as much as I do. I get the same thrill from working with paper that I do when I work with fabrics. The colors, the patterns and the joy of putting it together in unique and creative ways. I've done much more with cards, and have been able to bless people with my card making skills. I've been able to donate cards to a silent auction benefitting a friend with cancer. I've been able to give sets of cards as gifts and in gratitude for kindnesses done for me. I love that it's fast and so creative. Paper crafting is one of the loves of my life.

Lastly, I have truly enjoyed writing. It is like painting with words. I enjoy writing to friends and keeping a journal. It is therapeutic. It is like having a friend who is always listening, but never judges. I can look at my thoughts in black and white and see what makes sense and what doesn't. I can go back later and easily see how I've changed for better or for worse. Starting the blog may be one of the best exercises in writing that I've ever done. I feel more focused in my writing now than I ever have been before. The process has contributed so much to my well-being over the last year that I hesitate to guess where I'd be today without it. That sounds like an exaggeration, but it's hard to estimate the value of something that has been instrumental in putting so much happiness back into my life. I love to write. It is definitely on of the loves of my life.

I love my family, but they are not me. When they think of me, they will probably remember a lot of love and conversation, my devotion to God, and the three things I've mentioned above. That is the essence of my soul. It is a good thing to know who you are and what you love. It makes life meaningful and fills it with joy. These days, my life seems very full of both of those things. Thank Heaven for that.

Do what is right

“ That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.”

William J. H. Boetcker

Phone-free zone

It's been an odd day. I think that one of the kids must have pulled my phone out of the bag yesterday at Grandma's house. At first I thought that it was probably just somewhere around here, and I'd hear it eventually, but we've had no ring tone break the silence all day long. When Dan gets home, we'll call over to my parents' to see if they've seen it, or heard it. T has been a little bit obsessed with phones lately. More often than not, over the weekend, the phone was in his hands. He is getting to that age, and I've told him that if I need him to have a phone next year that it will be a possibility. He swears, however, that he wasn't the one who was using it. It will all work itself out, and until then, we'll just be in this phone-free zone collecting messages on our voice-mail.

Diggers and . . .what?!?

The main road leading from the freeway into our neighborhood is under construction. Half of its width is blocked off and completely torn up. There are large orange cones and barrels everywhere along with a plethora of men and large machinery. As we turned onto this road, from the rear of the vehicle I hear from the most unlikely of sources, a warning. My son Q, who is not afraid of anything (except being away from me, specifically and only, when he needs to go to bed) called out, "Be careful, Mom!" I responded quickly, wanting to encourage this burst of caution consciousness. "Yes, Q! We need to be very careful. There are big orange cones and and diggers, and men working everywhere." Just as spontaneously he replies, ". . . and hookers!" Obviously, my instant reaction was uncontrollable uproarious laughter, over a very long, extended period of time. After I regained my composure, I realized that he must have been talking about one of the other large piece of equipment, and yes, there in front of us a big red crane truck with a nice shiny hook. Diggers and Hookers. These are very important things in the world of my four year old son. Someday, when he's much older, I will tell him this story and he will laugh for a long long time. Until then, I will grateful for each innocent day and the joy of a child still untouched by the world he lives in.

Heartbreak and Strength

Go here and weep. First for them, and then in gratitude for the blessings in you own life.

Isabella & Madeline - The Dunn Twins

Feelin' Fine

It's nice to have a taste of success. It suits me. The party went really well, and I just feel like I'm very lucky and blessed to have so many good people around me, and such a fun thing to offer. I've had a great experience so far, and it has only served to reinforce my feeling that it was a good decision to get into this. One more example of how good friends can make a difference in your life by sharing and supporting.
The cutest thing so far is how much Aeryn loves the wax. She walks around the house with a bar, smelling it and saying "Mmmm" over and over. She loves to smell the samples and will sit with anyone at the table and hold them up saying, "pen. . .pen." She loves to share, and will smash them right into your face with some force if you aren't careful.
One of the things that I feel great about are the ideas I've had about getting in to businesses. If some of these ideas work out, it will make the running of the business, and finding new customers very simple. My family (not D) has been a little skeptical, and I can't say that I blame them - but what CAN I say? I just have a really good feeling about everything and it keeps getting better. Things are crazy around here, but they are good.

Breathe in - Breathe out

Today is an exciting day. I'm nervous, and cleaning my house because I have a launch party tonight for my Scentsy business. If you'd like to know more about that specifically, email me and I'll send you a link to my website. Everyone I talked to was very interested and I expect a good turn out. I hope to see some old friends and make some new ones. It's a bit scary, to open your home, especially when you are fairly sure of a good turn out. I'm positive that I have more work ahead of me today than I can accomplish - not so much just in cleaning, but there are just so many things that I'd like to get done beforehand. I want to put together some Stampin' UP! things to display because I'm still doing that, too. I don't want to miss the chance of finding out who might be interested in that as well. A little shopping, and planning. Ready by six? I guess we'll see. I just needed to take a moment to relax my brain. The bathrooms are clean, and it's on to the kitchen for me.