Don't worry

I sent my submission to CHF last night, so we'll see how it goes. I am excited to have done it and strangely at peace. I don't feel the nervousness which I thought I would. I'm really okay with whatever happens - maybe I'm not "desperate" enough, or I don't want it badly enough. What I do know is that I am learning to let go of things that I can't control. I frankly don't have the time or energy to put into it.

I found a quote the other day on Ali Edwards' blog that seems to say what I'm can't.
Dawna Markova : I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

Why waste a day worrying when there is so much that can be done to improve it? We have rules, and I reiterate the rules. I know that they are going to test the rules. It is the nature of curious children to test the rules. I try not to worry about messes that the kids will make either, because I know that the messes are going to happen. Sometimes BIG ones. Sometimes sticky ones. Often while in the process of breaking rules. There is almost no limit to the amount of imagination a child can transpose into mess form. Clean, happens - its true - but you can always be quite sure that mess is not far behind. Why worry?

I try to keep them safe. It's hard to improve on whole, healthy, intact bodies. I teach them not to fight, because angry voices destroy the peace we want in our home. Often enough, however, even these basic functions of motherhood find themselves thwarted. Sometimes, there is blood. Sometimes we need a stitch or two. Sometimes all you can hear is angry voices. This is the reason that some people have nannies. I take time when I need it, to talk to friends or relax. I do have to suffer through the craziness, but I'm also the one that gets all the good stuff. I watch it all happen, all day long, every day. No one can tell me that missing out on Q's tirades would be worth it. When I hear from those same little lips, a very sweet little voice saying, "I love you so much, Mommy. You're the best!" I know simultaneously what that voice is capable of and it melts me into a lump. You have to taste the bitter to know the sweet. You have to know the mess to appreciate the clean. You have to hear a lot of noise to truly savor a quiet moment.

Blogs for Boys

Yesterday morning, I set up blogs for the boys. First, we had to set up email accounts for them. I set up their blogs, under my ownership, and then invited them, via their new email accounts, to be guest posters. Then I got them their very own google blogger accounts so that they can sign in, and access their blog without going through mine. It was fun. They really enjoyed seeing their own blog space, ready to roll. It will be interesting to see what they do with it. Just like anything, I want to help them to keep it as private as possible: photos that they take of objects rather than people, no full names, no personal information. I want them to use it, mostly because writing is such a great exercise for the mind and writing well is a confidence booster, especially at their young ages.
So, we finished getting it all set up, and as I came out of the office E looks at me with puppy dog eyes. "Let me guess, you want your own blog, too?" She nods, with a sad little smile. I told her that we'll see how the boys do, and if they can work it out okay without too much help from mom, we'll think about it. That was enough, surprisingly. I think that she was happy that I recognized the look on her face, and was able to divine what she was communicating. Sometimes, people just like to know that they've been heard. I think, in the end, that is what blogging for me is all about.

The Lightbulb Moment

Yesterday my eldest, T, was so on top of his lawn mowing duties that I was floored. When he came into the office I was surprised and asked if he had already mowed. He nodded. Then, the words that every mother (and father) dream will come across the lips of their children were uttered by none other than the boy himself. "Mom, did you know that if you just do the work, and don't complain about it, it gets done a lot faster?" He was very impressed with this discovery. I was in complete shock, my brain telling my lips, "you need to say something, fast. . . you need to reinforce this, huuurrry uuupppp! . . ." I think I said something really intelligent like, "Isn't it great how that works?" We talked a little more about the phenomenon and I was understandably enthusiastic. Simply put, in this home we also harbor some major whiners and they look up to T in larger than life ways. He is, after all, "in the sixth grade" which is then end of the known universe for C & E. If my son has truly had a learning moment, his good example will flow to the others like honey from a spoon. Just the thought of a little less whining, oh it's heavenly. Come to think of it, C didn't complain at all about mowing, either. I'll have to throw in a little more thanks and praise today. Next to having a big brother doing the right thing, nothing beats a mom or dad who make sure you know when you've done something wonderful.

A Beautiful Day

It's funny, I spent all afternoon playing with a Mondrian color type design, and then after I finished the shells, all I could think about was "simplify, simplify." I ditched everything but the textured soft sky cardstock and I loved it. Really, loved it - the shells came out just as I had hoped. (After about two tries on each one.) Only a couple more things to go. I haven't decided whether to use the "birthday boy" card or not. I'm just not sure. I guess if I don't come up with anything that I like better, I'll use it.

For the last couple of days, the kids have been having a lot of fun cutting up scraps of cardstock and making things. One benefit of my creative work is THEIR creative work. Yesterday Q made dolls of himself and his Dad and stapled their hands together. He caught E's imagination, and she wanted to do the same thing, but couldn't figure out what he was doing, and needed help with the process. Q is just that way, he figures things out and has a blast "creating". The funniest part was when he brought me a couple of small pieces of paper (perfectly sized for the job) and said, "Mom, will you staple my butt on?" He even figured out that he needed to clean up his own mess, by which I was dumbfounded. The boy constantly amazes me - he is very complex. It is going to take a very intelligent woman to be a good companion to him.

The Response!

Hello Abby,

Thanks so much for the information you provided. The consensus is that we would invite your submission to the Fresh Face Call.

Best of luck,
Lisa

Another Day

I'm beginning to understand how some women get so much done. Nerves. I'm generally fairly relaxed but I've been on pins and needles for the last 24 and counting hours. I'm still waiting for CHF to get back to me on the "you may" issue that I mentioned yesterday. I've been working on things regardless, because I don't want to let the time get away from me. Either way, I will consider it a fantastic experience. At the same time I'm wading through the suspense of it all, I realize that she is taking time on my behalf and will respond when she can. I have so much to be grateful for, and I feel like this is an important road for me. I'm excited to see where it all takes me. I'll just keep on keeping myself busy until the answer comes and be glad that I have a lot to keep me busy. I'm always busy, there is always so much to be done. I don't always have something to look forward to, however. I'm finding that elusive "something" (at least for me ) has been a by-product of creative competition. It ratchets me up just a little bit and pushes me to make goals during the day. My Stampin' Up! business does similar things for me, as far as motivating me to be creative, but this takes everything a little further up that road. I'm working on a pretty intricate project at the moment, so when I get it finished, I'll post it. We'll see. Only time will tell.

You May. . .

Today I have a couple of "you may" issues on my mind. One of them is taking all of my ability to concentrate which is no good but more than likely, inevitable. The other is just plain hilarious, and so I'll start with that. This morning Q wanted one of the small bags of chips that I buy to send to school in my children's lunches. Sometimes, Q gets it into his mind that he needs one for breakfast and that scenario has also been known to include Ice Cream. Today, it was just chips, and I told him that he had to eat something else first, and then if he was still hungry I'd give him a bag of chips. He didn't like that. What four year old would? Well after a significant amount of moaning groaning and general unhappiness, he says to me . . .I suppose to show me who had the real power in the family, "Mom, you MAY get me a bag of chips." I had a hard time not dissolving into a pile of laughs. He tried some version of that about four more times, and at that point I said, ". . .and Q, you MAY go to your room if you don't settle down." Skipping to the good stuff, he came out of his room when he was in control of himself and asked for some cereal. By the time he had finished with that, he had forgotten about the chips. My best guess as to the origin of Q's new word? Most certainly his grandmother. My Mom was a High School English Teacher when my parents were first married. I can almost hear the conversation.
Q - "Grandma, can I have some ice cream?"
Grandma - "Do you mean "May I have some ice cream?"
Q - "May I have some ice cream?
Grandma - "Yes, you may have some ice cream."

Q's mind grabs hold - "May is a very powerful word. I'm going to have to use it again soon."

Now for my other "may" issue. It occurred to me that I have done design work for a company before, although as a freelance designer rather than as a part of a team making up promotion pieces. I sent a note to the Design Team Leader at the company doing the Fresh Face call asking her opinion on whether or not my previous work disqualified me for this call. She sent a note back saying that it was a gray area, and asked for more information, photos of things I'd done, etc. to help her I sent the requested information along and that is where it stands. It is difficult to wait on the response when I know that it is a "may or may not" situation. I may be able to apply, I may not. I'm just glad that I asked now, rather than assuming that it would be okay and then finding out after all the work that I was over-qualified. I think I fit into a kind of loop-hole, and I hope that they see it that way, too. We'll just have to wait because for now it it simply out of my hands. My only real problem is finding something to take my mind off of it while I wait.

Brace Yourself

Yesterday, I knew that it was time for a haircut. The relationship with my then current hair-style had gone more than stale. I was bored. I needed something new. So I did what any half-mad mother of 5 would do - I went short, from shoulder length. Boy what a reaction! Everyone in the salon praised me, and my brave move. They all thought it looked great. I felt years younger.

When I arrived at home, T and C looked at me in amazement. C cried out, "Who are you?" and laughed a big belly laugh while claiming that he liked it. I don't think they really remember the last time my hair was short. It was quite a while ago, and they were both very small. The boys had been caring for A - and I thought she'd be very glad to see me, too. Her crying, however, was something I didn't expect, and I was dumbfounded when she refused, even, to eat. I knew she had to be hungry. Then to my utter amazement, she hopped down from my lap and ran, looking back only to throw a scorching glance my way. It finally dawned on me. She didn't recognize me. I was a complete stranger to her. As she ran, she bawled, "Mamaaaaaaa. . . . Mamaaaaaa." The boys found the whole thing extremely funny, and basked in the glow of A not wanting anything to do with me. They cuddled and consoled her. C, who has been dying to form some kind of connection with her and has been quite hurt by her rebuffs was finally able to get her calmed down and nearly asleep. Through her half open eyes, she was watching me, still. She seemed to be softening a little.

I thought about what I could do to ease her pain. I pulled back my hair tight against my head - I had often worn it up before, and she seemed okay with that. It did the trick. This time, she reached for me, and although she seemed a bit hesitant, I knew that the healing had begun. My little A and I were nearly reconciled! It was nap time, and she was ready for her old routine whether or not she was completely sure of me. Off to dreamland for my little one.

When she awakened, she looked at me and laughed, pointing at my head. I took it as a compliment, since the last time she had run away, screaming.

More Summer Vacation

This is the first day in three weeks that I would have been able to sleep in, a bit. T, C & E are out of school until the week after labor day. Of course today would be the day that I was awake just prior to 5 a.m. I thought to myself, "If I'm still awake at 6 o'clock, I'll get up and do something." Unfortunately, it was obvious by quarter after 5 that I wouldn't be getting back to sleep. I've been looking up information on the State Fair, and opening e-mails - as they come in. . .ouch.
I could go for a walk. D usually leaves for the gym around 6:30 on weekday mornings. It would give him a fairly innocuous scare if I just wasn't here, anywhere, when he got up - because I am always here. I'm pretty dependable that way. I usually wake up just enough to wave as he goes out the bedroom door. Sometimes I get up, shower and get on with my day. Considering that I've never "not been here", in 14 years, I'm thinking the police could get involved very quickly. He'd probably at least call my mother, a little worried. And, well - it is my Dad's birthday so why rock the boat today. I'll stay home.
I've been casually contemplating, for a couple of days, what I'd like to submit for the "design team" call. I think that I'll go the scrapbook route - or at least, the scrapbook route seems to be where my strength lies. I think that I should watercolor an image, just to show some versatility and artistry. I could do that on a scrapbook page. The fact is, I have some fantastic photos of the children which would make easy work of any page. I don't have any "ideas" for a 3-D project. I did purchase a little see-through paint-style container which I could play with. In the end I'll probably end up doing enough for both, and make the decision based on what looks best. It has been a treat having a goal, creatively.
Timing couldn't be better. I have two weeks of fairly unstructured time before things are due at either the design call, or the state fair. (Honestly, when do you get an opportunity to relax from the structure of your main work, just in time for another big project. Doesn't happen to me very often.) I'm not sure why I'm interested in exhibiting things at the state fair, except that I guess I just have this itch to compete, and see where I land. The judging for the state fair will take place on my birthday. The design team people will be notified the day before my birthday. I don't know if that would be considered good luck, or not. At any rate, I'd hope that my birthday would be a happy occasion that would only make any outcome, in either case, better.
It's nearly 7 a.m. now. I haven't heard D leave, which is quite uncommon. I think it's time for that shower.

What?!?

Yesterday I did a little light reading while standing in line for "fast food" at Costco. It is amazing how informative their menu sign is, if one spends a moment looking at more than the photographs and prices. Take, for example, the yogurt. We've been purchasing said yogurt for years! It has been one of my favorite guilty pleasures, guilty since the gall bladder incident. Of course, I thought that it was regular yogurt, like every other fast food dessert, containing fat - only maybe a smidgeon less since it was yogurt, rather than ice cream. This time, I took the time to look at the words and I saw something completely unexpected. There, right in front of the word "yogurt", in all caps, a peculiar little qualifier. . .NONFAT. I had to exercise an immense amount of self-control to keep from hollering "Woo Hoo!" right out loud. Within myself, I let out a squeal of absolute joy and bliss. How often does a guilty pleasure skip right over from the "I really shouldn't" column to the "Any time I darn well please" column? That doesn't happen very often, and usually it has something to do with a wedding.

To bed, to bed. . .

It's 7:45 p.m.
I brought E and Q home from tonight's pack meeting early because their behavior was no better than last night at the court of honor. Seating was limited, so we had the smaller ones sit on the floor. They immediately started running, playing, rolling, and generally making noise. No other children their age were having this problem. D told them that if they weren't still and quiet, they would go home. And so, here we are. The crying has nearly stopped. They won't be allowed out of their bed except for a trip to the bathroom. Maybe next month we will have better luck. I hope so because these are the moments that make me wonder if I was out of my mind to have 5 children. If I wasn't then, I'm pretty sure that I am now. Thankfully, I have some distractions to boost my confidence and morale.
I can't even imagine what would have become of me without my faith. When I had T, after 22 hours of labor, nearly needing emergency c-section, and forceps, I asked the doctor how women "did this" without painkillers. He said "women don't do what you did without painkillers." In some ways, I feel the same way about my life right now. I wonder how people get through what I'm going through without faith in some greater plan. I don't think you could do what I am doing without faith.
Children grow up. I've heard it said that they learn by the things that they suffer. Tonight, we are all suffering with them. I hope that they learn how to behave appropriately so that next time maybe we can sit together and enjoy the night.

Later that Day. . .

The repair place finally called, and made an appointment between 4 and 6 p.m. Of course, that was a problem in a logistical sense since I had to get my entries to UPS by 5:30 p.m. but I didn't care. The possibility of cool air dwarfed the other issues of the day. The other issues just seemed to take care of themselves, to my surprise. I started working on a card that I've been thinking about for some time. It came together much easier than I thought, and I was very pleased with the final outcome. I based it on a shirt that I have, and now all I can say is WOW! This is why I love this hobby! I was also able to put together a quick Halloween Scrapbook page to send in. It also came together very quickly, and so I sent in the pink card and Halloween page today. I will send the "birthday boy" card in for next month. I didn't want to put all my eggs into one contest. I do think that I will send these two cards to the "fresh face" call. Luckily all that I need for them is photos, and I have those.

When the repairman came, it turned out to be an issue with the thermostat rather than the air conditioner. That was quick and easy! I was able to get to UPS and make it home in time to feed children, and get to T's court of honor for Boy Scouts, where he received his Tenderfoot rank. E has been unbearable, and needs more sleep. It was painfully obvious during the court of honor that her "be good" rations for the day were spent. A full day of school is hard on her little person. It's difficult to get her into bed soon enough. She went to bed as soon as we got home. Q is now at his limit, and starting to fall apart. At time's like this, I am even happier to have some lovely creation ready to spring from my fingertips.

Air Conditioning is Down

Well, the good news is, it isn't supposed to by quite as hot today as it was yesterday! It should only get up to about 100 or 101 instead of 102 degrees! And, I may (well most likely I will) loose a couple of pounds because the act of walking around the house is causing me to break a sweat. That's sure fun. Thankfully there is a breeze. I haven't heard from AAA heating and cooling yet. The home warranty guy said the they would put our work order in with the highest priority, because we have an infant in the home. (Okay, let's think for a minute about where I live. Just about EVERYONE has an infant in their home.)
Q has been bawling for a 1/ 2 hour because I won't cook him eggs. (Are you kidding me?) He doesn't accept the possibility of cereal this morning for some reason, and to top it off, we didn't give him the top bunk - unforgivable! A is just wandering around behind me, happy as a lark. (Speaking of the infant.) She seems a little bit bothered by Q's constant whining and crying but she's not complaining.Today's tasks are Laundry and maybe another item to send to Stampin' Up! and the other place. I'm just trying to be creative and if I come up with enough that I really like, then I'll send it. I'm excited by the possibilities. I have one card done, which I love, and I'm hoping for a little more today. We'll see. The really really good news is that the basement is STILL QUITE COOL. Whereas the winter months saw me wearing a heavy coat down there to avoid hypothermia, now I'll just be breathing a big sigh of relief thinking about the possibility of having died and gone to heaven.

On my mind

I need to try to focus today. There are a number of things I've been mulling over and a moment of decision has arrived. There is a "fresh face" call for a stamp company looking for two new people to add to their design team. I think that I'd have a chance. I need to think about what I would do, or send. I've also been thinking about sending something in to Stampin' UP! for their contests again, I have a fairly unique idea. I need to look over the site and see if it is indeed unique or if I picked it up there. If not, I think that I'll send something. Stand back. Abby's thinking. She may need some room to move around.

(The card above is the one I did today. I'm quite happy with it, and hope to do more tomorrow.)

Healthy growth

I so identify with a repotted plant. Although I don't feel that I am the type that shies away from change, I recognize now that I am not immune to the natural effects of it, either. I've had a fairly vivid illustration of this sitting on my kitchen counter for about one month now. When my first child, T, was born, my mother gave D and I a basket filled with tiny young plants. It has been with us all this time, 11 and 1/2 years. At first there were three plants. One of the plants didn't make it through the first year and I had completely forgotten about it until now. It had small palm like leaves and was very upright. The other two were trailing plants with differently shaped leaves. We had repotted it once before, but it had been in the new container for at least 7 years. It survived the move, and its pot was undamaged. For a while now, we have known that it was sickly or at least not nearly as robust as it had once been. As things finally settled a little more for us in the new home, we decided to get our old plant friends a new abode as well. Finding the pot was easy enough. Moving the plant over didn't seem exceptionally difficult. (Probably because in the world of plants, we are as close as it comes to simple idiots.) D left to pot on our kitchen bar, and we watched. Some of the branches had broken off during the repotting process and we had those in a pot of water by the sink. Time went speedily onward and those branches in the water were thriving, growing all kinds of new roots. The plant in the pot, however, seemed to be dying. It was more than shock. One by one all of the green leaves, and many of the branches withered and yellowed. It was a bit painful, like watching a sick child and wondering if they'll recover. I tried not to be unduly concerned, I even empathized with the plant. My life during the last year has seemed much like that plant. Things that I believed about my life and marriage were simply not realistic. I had been allowed and led to believe things that weren't true by the only one whose honesty could have made all of the difference with respect to my understanding of our relationship. I felt a kinship with the poor withering plant. I knew of its suffering. Interestingly, D carefully picked off the dying parts and worried for it as the weeks went by, fretting now and then over what seemed like an impending and certain demise. Something in me, maybe the way my own soul has started to regain it's strength, assured me that the old plant would make it. About a week ago, we started to see some new growth and although the plant is very sparse now, it seems quite healthy. The branches that have been in the water all this time are also doing very well, and when the rest of the plant seems to be a little stronger, we'll add them to the larger pot: A bit of the old added back into the new, although now completely separate and distinct plants.
As for myself, I recognized some truly healthy growth of spirit. Strength is returning that I had nearly forgotten, along with some I never knew before. I'm not withering and yellowing any longer, I'm growing now.

Shower, please!

AC is T's buddy, and I just learned that he is our best friend, too. When T went over there yesterday, he was his regular old smelly self. AC said, "Did you take a shower today?" T said no, which was honest to his credit. AC's little brother said, "I didn't take a shower either." AC replied, "You two get out of here, you're stinking up the room." So, thanks to AC, T did a VERY thorough job of washing in the shower today! AC may have a cell phone and his own room, (which T now thinks that he needs to have as well) but at least the kid is up on hygiene! I will bless his name for weeks.

And now, for your reading enjoyment, a snippet from the blog on one of my friends. The entry I took this from also discussed the hygiene habits of tween boys. These are the instructions she gave to her son with regard to the proper way to shower.

"Stand under the water coming from the shower head. Pick up the soap. Lather it up, apply it to your body until the dirt is gone, then rinse. Also, the shampoo? It goes in your hair. You lather it up, in your hair--not just in your hands-- and then rinse it out."

It may seem like a simple task, but as we have learned, nothing is simple with boys. When I read her entry, I laughed harder than I had for days, probably months. In this case, familiarity bred a really really good guffaw.

An Itch to communicate

There are times when I am just all prickly with the desire to "talk" to people. I'm not sure why it is, I just want to know what's going on in the world. It's like butterflies in my stomach, waiting and wishing that something would happen. It could have something to do with the fact that at times my days seem to run together, without much to distinguish one from another. That isn't the case lately, so I'm banking on the fact that I'm a little off balance and wishing that I could resolve difficulties more satisfactorily. Today, for some reason, I feel glued to the computer. I feel the need to reach out to people that have been on my mind. I'm positive that I could redirect my energy and find much better ways to spend the time. I need to move on. Nothing is going to be resolved today and I have a lot of other more profitable things that I could be doing. LIke making dinner, rotating laundry, helping E and Q get their bedroom cleaned up - many many opportunities to be productive and useful. Don't want to be, though. Just stinks.

I think I just gave myself a clue. If I get an email or a phone call, I can respond. It is very much an avoidance issue, I'm afraid. The other things are real, too. They play right into my "not wanting to do much" and make it easy for me to think of things I need to look at on the computer while I wait for emails and phone calls. Yep. Some days I'm just itching for someone to talk to.

Styling a Personal Resort

This is our Anniversary Weekend. On August 5th we have been married 14 years. We left our children with my parents for a couple of nights and have been footloose and fancy free. It has been so much fun, not that I haven't thought of the kids, just that I've been very relaxed and happy just to be with D. A friend said that the funniest part about being alone is a house which is normally filled with children is that you can put something down, and the next day it will still be there. On the flip side, you can clean up a mess and the next day it will still be clean. It's been Niiiiiiiiice. We are much more settled than we were last year. On August 5th, 2006 we put an offer on a home, and put our first home on the market. It was time to move, and so we jumped into the crazy limbo that is selling and purchasing real estate. The fact that we are actually now living in the home that we put that first offer on is a testament to correctness of the whole plan. Between that moment, however, and the time we actually sold the house and signed our purchase papers for the new home, NOTHING went as planned. It was amazing, and even miraculous according to our real estate agent, that we were able to get the first home we wanted given the circumstances. Little miracles have followed us around during the last year, which is good, because skimming the surface and counting those little miracles, it's easy to ignore the torturous moments brought to us by the last 12 months or so. Although I'm not convinced that there won't be more difficulties ahead, I'm happy to be where I am. I'm very happy to be where I am.
Back to the weekend's activities. We decided that instead of going to somewhere else, and staying in a beautiful room that we'd have to leave behind, we would turn our bedroom into the place we wanted it to be. We spent the weekend right here at home. We went to lunch on Friday at the best Japanese restaurant in town and had some delicious sushi. The Maui roll was a fabulous sweet finishing touch, and all of it was "better than chocolate". What was a treat! We had to park a little way from the establishment, and were worried that a downpour would catch up with us, but it was blue skies all afternoon. From the restaurant we went straight to IKEA, and loaded up our carts with goodies. It was after 7 p.m. by the time we got home. We spent the rest of the evening putting the room together. The next afternoon, don't laugh, we went back to IKEA - this time for bunk beds. We had to move a piece of furniture into the kids' room to make our bedroom plan work. Saturday night, we finished up all the rearranging and added all of the finishing touches. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I really felt like I was in another world. It was just so beautiful. Everything translated perfectly from thoughts to reality, which is an experience I don't take for granted. It doesn't happen very easily in life, at least not in mine. There were quite a few really perfect moments over the weekend. We have a lot of work ahead of us, and probably the least of it has to do with furnishings. Most of our work has to do with the people living here in this home. That's the way that it should be. I just try not to get overwhelmed, and do my best to remember that people are what matters the most.

Some days are like this

I ran completely out of energy about an hour ago. Of course, the children don't seem to run out when I do and so now I'm way over-done. Things that could have been simple turned into three-levels-of-complicated issues. Another extra half hour of necessary evil. Poor D is hard at work. I've been working at a number of things today that I just can't seem to pull together. Q was running at a hot hot fever pitch all day long. I think he just wanted more than I had to give. He was trying to "control" things and make them go his way. We had episode after episode of heated emotion boiling over. At the time the kids were home from school, there were toys everywhere and I was already wilting. Normally, I think I would have relished the opportunity to get out and do some errands but it felt like serious slow motion. Errands in slo-mo. Fun! Monday had a few moments like today. Most Mom-of-five days have at least one or two moments like the ones that made up today. When you can survive a full day of "this" you know that there aren't many things you couldn't make it through. Time for bed.