Thoughts regarding Myself and Food

I need to make it very clear that I am not trying to solve anything today. It is, in very fact, New Year’s Day - but I am not making any resolutions. My goal this week is “Think about food. What isn’t working? Write about it.” So, here are some of the thoughts I’ve had this morning. I love chocolate. There are few things I love as much as chocolate. I love to snack on chocolate when I’m writing or doing creative work. I love chocolate when I’m under pressure or feeling stress. I know It’s truly chocolate I love, because I like it dark. I don’t get nearly as much enjoyment from milk chocolate, and that is something I've known about myself for as long as I can remember. Hershey’s has always had “Special Dark”, and that is always what I’ve wanted. I also tend to eat for no good reason, past when I know I should be full. That sounds like emotional eating to me. I think I’m an emotional eater. I look to food to fill in gaps and soothe discomfort. From what I just read on the internet - those are two good indicators that I eat emotionally. I don’t think that I always eat emotionally, but I know that sometimes I do. In the last year, being a very stressful year, I’ve done that a lot. I probably gained about 15 pounds. Frankly, however, it is the crucial 15 pounds that I‘d rather never have on my body. That is part of the reason I’m ready to explore this. I need to make some changes. I recognize that I have choices. I have a few more days in this week, I will make another goal. “Be aware of food choices. Make more good choices than bad choices.” I like this goal because it is not an all-or-nothing kind of thing. It allows for my humanity. It doesn’t demand compliance “Or Else.” I like that in a goal. These are the things that the modern proponent of the Franklin Planner, Hyrum Smith, had to say about goals: They should be: Realistic, Timely, Specific, Measurable, Action-Oriented. I think my goal stacks up to those requirements, too - so, it’s a keeper. I can keep track of it easily with a simple number in my head. I’m going to add one for each time I choose healthy over “quick and easy” (like the IKEA cinnamon roll which was on the kitchen counter when I was making breakfast for the kids) or unhealthy (like the IKEA cinnamon roll which was on the kitchen counter when I was making breakfast for the kids). I’ll subtract for each time I choose to have something unhealthy. At the end of the day, I’ll record the final number in the box on my goals page rather than a STAR - like I do for exercise and scriptures & prayer.
Baby steps. Baby Steps. I’m in this better health thing for the long haul. I’m not in this to look a certain way, or be the envy of anyone. I just want to be my best self. I want my children to remember me as my best self. I know it’s not an instant thing, we never appreciate things that come overnight anyway. The things in life that we really appreciate are the things we have to work hard for, and change for. This LifeChange journey is that for me. I’m ready for the changes, though. I’m looking forward to seeing the “me” that will come out of the other side of this process.
My life, as it is, can be very confusing. I try to think about things, but it is often unproductive. What I have noticed in myself lately is an increased ability to recognize and weed out unproductive thoughts. I try to acknowledge random feelings and move on. I try to be guided by the Spirit in my response to my feelings and thoughts. Maybe someday it will all be more clear. Until then, I have too much love to share too many responsibilities to ignore the life which is happening all around me, right now.