You learn something new . . .

unfortunately, it isn't always the thing you wanted to learn, or even the thing you hoped you would learn. What we learn is often in the realm of "why on earth did this happen?" and "How am I ever going to work this out?" Usually, for me - it is a matter of knowing myself better and finding out what I'm really made of. I'm certainly tougher than I imagined. I'm stronger than I used to be, too - I know that. I'm rolling with the waves more peacefully than I have in the past. I'm positive that I haven't learned everything that I need to learn. I'm a little bit nervous about that. Actually, I'm seriously nervous about that. There is a new year coming. I am determined to take it day by day, week by week. I'm going to make little plans and little goals - working in baby steps toward my larger vision. We'll see if by the end of the coming year I haven't make some significant progress. I know that along the way, there will be many side trips and surprises. I'll be finding out a little more of what I'm made of. I hope I'm made of good stuff. I hope that what I learn is that I truly Trust in God to help me find His plan for my life. I hope that I Trust in Him Enough, with maybe some to spare.

Little A's Second Birthday

A's middle name is Hope. It is fitting. You know that song that goes, "I got sunshine. . .on a cloudy day. . .When it's cold outside, I got the month of May." The last couple of years have been like that. She was born on a cold December day, and from the moment she came into our lives, a warmth like summer sunshine has blessed every single day. She is happy and fun-loving. She is playful and sweet. She loves new shoes but would rather go barefoot in the house.
A loves dogs. Loves Loves Loves Dogs! My sister has a Jack Russell Terrier. We were all together on Christmas Eve, and when my sister was ready to go home she asked A if she'd like to go with her. A was resolute. She reached out for my sister and waved goodbye to me, a huge smile on her face. We were all a bit confused, until she started motioning for the dog to come. Everything then became quite clear, I mean - who needs a Mom, when you can have a dog? Not A. Unfortunately for A, my sister wasn't exactly serious - she didn't think A would be willing to go. Her home is equipped for one baby - and that is her dog Lucy. For Christmas we got her a soft puppy and a soft doll. She carried around the dog - until her sister unwrapped the plastic doll, and then we had to find her a plastic doll so that she could be like E. (Being like her older siblings is where it's at for A at the moment.) Left to herself, she carries around the dog.
Since I'm not ready for a dog at my house, today we are taking A to a place where they can "make a best friend" for her - complete with a bark. I hate to say it, but from the moment the thought crossed my mind I knew it was all we needed to worry about for her birthday. I've been more excited about taking her there than anything else we've been planning - and we're talking Christmas here. I was excited about Christmas, I really was. I was just MORE excited to take my baby to get a "dog" - to let her choose, and hear it bark, and see her happy little face.
That's right. "I got sunshine. . ."

Christmas

So, there we are, unwrapping gifts and my 9 year old son, C has a breakdown. He just can't keep himself from crying. I'm sure the fact that I was smiling through the whole thing was very confusing to him. By the time we finished all the individual gifts, even my older boy was looking a bit distraught. After all, they had opened all their underwear, socks, pants and accessory items - but had not seen even a glimmer of hope in the region of their "wish lists". It may qualify as cruel and unusual on Christmas morning to set aside all such gifts until the end - but it sure was fun for D and me! Finally, out came the Wii - along with all the gifts even remotely related to the Wii. . .and out came the smiles. (D had taken care of every aspect of that gift, thank heaven. I would have seriously botched it. I'm sure.) The best part of that gift, for me, was watching my 12 year old son play baseball with my 6 year old daughter, and then boxing, and ping pong. There were literally hours of VERY LOW CONFLICT play with the majority of my children involved in that play. That's a pretty cool game, no matter how you look at it. I made cookies with Q - which is roughly equivalent to playing in a sand box with him because all he really wanted to do was play with the dough. Little A got in on that, too. I also spent some time with Q working on a sticker book - which was much more fun than I even imagined, and which he LOVED! While I was doing that with Q, A was snuggled up next to me and didn't move for 1/2 an hour. It was a mother's dream. My children gathered around, no one fighting or working hard to get more of my attention. Everyone was happy. Everyone stayed happy the rest of the day. There weren't enough compliments for the pants, socks and underwear - "I love these, MOM! I really NEEDED more socks. This shirt is so soft. These pants fit PERFECTLY!" (I'm not exaggerating, they really said those things.) We were feeling the love. It lasted all day. It flowed over at Grandma's house, too. More love. More warm fuzzy feelings. Cousins running and playing. At the end of the day, I was sorry to see it end. I could have stayed there in that feeling forever. There's a way to make that happen. His name is Christ. Loving, giving and keeping Him close can make every day feel like Christmas. That is the peaceful gift of Christmas. I hope you enjoyed it, too.

The Peaceable Walk

After reading this post on a friend's blog, I was inspired. I was really inspired. I was so inspired I started a blog. The title of the blog, "The Peaceable Walk", comes from the Book of Mormon, and the entire purpose of the blog is to bring women together, to strengthen, love and encourage each other. Life is hard, and painful sometimes. Sometimes it is wonderful. I hope to see this blossom into something that will help and comfort and inspire MANY MANY women. We are all unique, and yet our needs are so similar. We need each other. If you would like to be involved with this blog in any way - contact me. There is room enough for all of us.

The Peaceable Walk

Santa, We're ready!

For the first time in 14 years, I'm ready for Christmas two days early. All that's left is for Santa to come and make everything magically appear under the tree. Seriously! This, is a great feeling. I actually have time to think about things I'd like to do, for myself, my family, others. This feeling is as good as being at a resort in the Caribbean, lounging on a chair in the soft sand on a warm day. Why? Stress free. No worries. I know, because of Murphy, something could happen between now and then, but that will just be about putting out a little fire here or there. This is a glorious Christmas, already.
Now, what do I want to do?

Thoughts from Ether 10

"And it came to pass that Shez did remember the destruction of his fathers, and he did build up a righteous kingdom; for he remembered what the Lord had done in bringing Jared and his brother aacross the deep; and he did walk in the ways of the Lord; and he begat sons and daughters.

"And never could be a people more blessed than were they, and more prospered by the hand of the Lord. And they were in a land that was choice above all lands, for the Lord had spoken it."

It struck me when I was reading this that through remembering the difficulties of his ancestors, Shez was able to build up a righteous kingdom. I have also felt that I am able to draw strength and courage thinking of my own ancestors, and all they went through. One of my ancestral families was in the Willie Handcart company. Every member of the family survived - down to the youngest child. I would like to document that a little more, for myself and my family. I think that there are probably a number of excellent ancestral stories which could be documented in a book for my children and I to look upon and consider, and draw strength from. I'm getting a really good feeling about this one. Better get crackin' while my Grandma is still with us!

Better

Dang! I am tired. This morning started earlier then usual when I found myself wide awake, and decided to get cracking on a project I started yesterday evening. I was excited for today, being the last day of school before Winter Break and Christmas. It wasn't stressful. Everything went along fairly easily. When I put the little ones first, and take care of their needs, they usually accommodate my whims very nicely. Today was that kind of a day. It is my sister's birthday, and we had an adult night dinner out planned. T was our babysitter. I was already on the phone with Pizza Hut getting ready to order some food for them (a bribe to help him be an extra good sitter) when someone rang the doorbell and left 3 pizzas! I'm not kidding. Those kinds of things just don't happen, except when you live in a neighborhood like mine, where people actually care about each other. We had a lovely dinner. Stopped at Target on the way home for a few more Christmas things - candy, etc. When we arrived home, everyone was doing great. Q was sleeping, while A (who had a good nap this afternoon) was still wide awake. Speaking of A, I can't believe she's almost two. She is so much fun right now, I just can't get enough of her. Her tiny little voice, and the fact that she clearly understands everything we are saying. My favorite is when she tries to talk while she's crying. She makes a ton of different sounds, and she obviously knows exactly what she wants to communicate and believes that she's getting the message through. I have to work hard not to laugh because I can't understand ANYTHING, but it's just so cute. I'm loving every minute (and I mean that) of A at almost two. I'm loving that we can leave everyone with T for a few hours and not worry about anything. A is getting some new teeth, canines. T is loosing still loosing some. It's amazing to see the whole range of childhood played out in front of my eyes. Writing about it is one of the best ways that I know to ensure that I'll remember all of this someday. Right now, it's almost midnight. Even though it was a pretty leisurely fun day, I've been doing this day for a long time now, and I'm tired. I'll just rotate the laundry once more, and call it quits. It was a good day.

Making plans

It's always a dangerous thing. I mean, think about it. Murphy's law is REAL. There is an entire website devoted to the documentation of every aspect of Murphy's law. You should check it out, it's a hoot - and that was the link back there, in case you weren't sure. So what's this all about? Well Christmas is all about planning, and today I ran headlong into Murphy's Law with respect to the plans I've been making for our Christmas celebrations. Yikes. This story starts about 20 years ago. In Japan. We lived there when I was a young girl and I enjoyed there a fruit that I had never experienced before - the Japanese Pear. Juicy like a pear, it is crisp and shaped like an apple with a very mild and wonderful flavor. The fruit is extremely tender and must be handled with great care. They are literally grown covered in paper bags while on the tree. I love them. I prize them. But, as they are quite expensive I buy them infrequently and usually only for special occasions. Enter Christmas plans. When I was at Costco, I saw some and decided that it would be Just the thing to set off our morning. I got them with the hope that I'd be able to keep them safe and sound until the big day. Enter Murphy. Today after school, looking for a snack, my 12 year old takes them all out of the fridge and before he could even ask the impending question - his brother bumps him. . . the fruit takes a dive. . . I'm in shock. It all happened so fast.

So much for my careful planning. Murphy certainly got the best of me this time. We did, however, have a delicious after school snack today.

Ta-Da!

I've been making some changes on my blog this morning. Probably won't have time to do much of anything else today in cyberspace - but this was totally fun! Back to the real world where my actual life is, and where there is an abundance of cleaning of and caring for to be done.

Princess Power

Today I made a horrible mistake. I took my six year old daughter shopping with me. I really just wanted to get the kids some socks and underwear, (not for Christmas). I thought they could use it, and there are some decent sales going on right now, so I decided to go after school. It was a 1.5 hour torture session with Mom as victim. I gave her a snack before we left. She didn't show any signs of being overly tired. I wasn't worried. As soon as we walked in however, she went into Princess overdrive. She was stuck in "I wanna toy" mode, and wouldn't let it go. She never did until we started the drive home. She did about everything that she could think of to obstruct the stroller/cart, or express her disapproval at my saying "no" to the toy idea. Christmas is in less than one week. I'm not buying random toys for children, especially misbehaving children. About 90% of my brain was trying to keep her under control, reasoning with her and the other 10% was trying to find what I needed. At the moment, I'm seriously considering a heart to heart consult with Santa Claus with regard to the possibility of getting her put on the naughty list. She knows it, and she seems somewhat motivated to redeem herself. Thankfully, I already had dinner in the crockpot. If not, I think I would've collapsed into a puddle like the Wicked Witch at the end of the Wizard of OZ. Wait - I think it was a house that fell on her. It doesn't make much difference. I feel like a house fell on me. Although I must admit that simply maintaining my cool under that kind of duress, even if I couldn't enjoy the actual experience, gives me something to reflect on with amazement. I have survived one of the fiercest trials known to man, unrelenting torture by princess.

Christmas Cards

For the first time this year, instead of putting a lot of energy into ANXIETY about Christmas cards, I made little goals that I knew I could accomplish during a week with the time available to me. First, it was just to gather all the pertinent items and get them into a box. Then, organize and begin addressing. Then, finish addressing and mail. Well, last week ahead of schedule, I had finished half of them. This morning, I got up a little early to finish the rest and now I have them all done and the best part of all of this? I didn't feel a bit of stress related to the project. I have been able to complete the project ahead of schedule because I put the guilt about when I would be able to sit down and "do it" in the trash, where it belonged! It's done, I feel a great sense of accomplishment which is completely unmarred by any feeling that it should have been done sooner or better. Hallelujah!

Twelve Days of Christmas

Someone has been giving us a gift each night. Wonderful, thoughtful gifts, like a Christmas pillow case for each one in the family, a Josh Groban Christmas CD, Everything we need for a Christmas Party, - and we are all so amazed! I heard someone saying in church that someone had done this for them, and it touched them so much that they now do it for other families as a tradition. In a way, I hope never to know who has done this, and I hope that we can bring the same excitement to others in the future. We all get so excited, the kids especially. It is so kind and generous. We feel very blessed to be here, among such caring friends.

Sad, but not the end of my Story

I received word back from the first publisher. They will not be publishing my book. I feel very strongly about it, however. I am going to keep trying. If it isn't published right now, I believe that sometime in the future it will be. I believe in the message of that book, and I believe that there are many many people that would benefit greatly from it. Someday.

In the meantime, I think I'll reserve a few days for a little dejected misery and some crying. Then, it's onward and upward.

Are you Crazy?

Most people think we are crazy for having five children. I honestly can't imagine out life without each and every one. Things were a little tricky this morning when my Mini-Van had a flat tire and the kids needed to be taken to school. D was still home. Like the manly man that he is, he took care of that flat tire in under one half hour! (Just in case he reads this today, I'm adding emphasis to the terrific effort he put into the project. I am very appreciative.) In the meantime, I shuttled the children to school in his Miata. (The fact that he has that car was actually my idea, lest you think otherwise.) T, the oldest, was only about 15 minutes late - which includes the time we had to take getting A into a warm coat, boots and mittens so that she could be outside with Dad until Mommy got home. So, yes - we started our day with a garage door that wouldn't open (tripped GFI), a flat tire and still managed to get the kids to school without being absurdly late. I felt very good about that. The rest of the day is pretty much planned for me. I need to go to our tire shop and get the flat fixed. After that, I may run down to Costco since it's within half a mile and I don't get over there much anymore. The children will be done with school at 1:25 p.m. today. Then, we'll get E & Q ready to spend the night with their cousins. (My family is more than wonderful - this was all my sister's idea.) I will make French bread pizza for the A and the boys. D will be home a little early and then we'll take off to his company Christmas party. Busy to be sure, but not bad. Could be much worse. Already had one of those this week.

Five children. It's what we wanted. It's much harder than I dreamed, or could have been told - I wouldn't have believed them anyway. When people idealize my life (and some do) I laugh. This isn't the life for a sissy. Thankfully, I never have been a wimp. I've always been one to jump in feet first, arms flailing, lacking grace but wholeheartedly. It really is one of the best ways to live life. When you know what you want and feel it is the right course for you, anything else is effectively to deny yourself your greatest possible joys. You may also miss out on some pain, but in the end you're going to have pain either way. Live life. Live Right. Live it Well.

One day at a time--this is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful
it will be worth remembering.

Forward Energy

I have had a request to discuss the Forward Energy I discussed in the Goals entry. For me, it all started in November with the Successful Mothering Convention, Women's Show and Connie Sokol. These are links to her company - LifeChange, where you can subscribe to her weekly emails, and internet radio show which she does weekly (on Tuesdays) where she shares fantastic ideas and doles out an amazing amount of inspiration!
LifeChange Program
Connie Sokol Podcasts
I live close enough to her to attend her "Get a LIFEVision" class in January, which is listed on the LifeChange webpage at the bottom. If there are five or more of us that would like to go, it would only be $15 each. I have been considering getting a group together, let me know if you'd like to go. The first time I heard Connie speak, I was totally inspired, and I was literally launched on a journey like no other - The journey to myself. The real launch, really took place after I went through her "Get a LIFEVision" kit. I had recognized beforehand that I was ready for some major changes but I didn't know exactly how or what to implement. Listening to the CD and reading the book helped me to. . . are you ready?. . . figure out what I REALLY WANT from my life, my whole life. It helped me give flesh bones and life to things that had been floating around in my head and heart. Once you have that, you can soar, and boy have I!

Here is MY LifeVision:

(Keep in mind that this is what I WANT, not what I have. This is the place I can draw my goals from. This is also very personal to ME. You would need to draw things from your own soul for this to be truly effective in your life. Also keep in mind that there are no right or wrong answers and that you need to free yourself from self imposed mental limits to have this really be effective.)

Whether abundant or scarce, I cherish time with my family and show my love for them constantly.
My faith and trust in God are inspiring. My actions are as powerful in bearing witness of Him as my words are. 
I am radiantly beautiful and strong - physically, mentally and spiritually.
I present myself in a way which draws people to me. 
I confidently teach and share my skills, talents and testimony.
I maintain Balance in Nurturing myself and others.
I continually strive for self improvement, knowledge and understanding.
I am grateful for the opportunity to give and share my abundant blessings with others.


Next, the goals I set for the year and the rewards I attached to them:

Be Mentally Strong, and Physically Fit and Continue to make progress Spiritually.

Mental Goal: I will work through the Math Homework for Algebra II and Trigonometry. When I finish a section of Math Homework, I will arrange for some time out of the house, for myself, just for fun.


Physical Goal: I will transform my weak physical body into a fit, fabulous body. Each time I exercise three to four times a week, I will take time to Scrapbook on Saturday or Sunday for as long as I’d like.


Spiritual Goal: I will Attend the Temple once a month. When I attend the Temple, I will take extra time to write in my journal about the thoughts and feelings I had there. I will make some extra time for my children to have a little treat as well.

You can adjust your rewards as needed. The rewards should be as motivating as the overall reason for doing it.

From these main goals, I draw monthly and weekly goals. They are smaller chunks of the larger goal. Starting to exercise, drinking more water, looking at the math book, etc. These are bits that I can actually bite off and chew! Because I am working on the larger goals all year (her actual program focuses only on things for one quarter at a time, but this is working for me) I'm kind to myself and it is easy to keep things in perspective. Isn't that where most of us get stuck?
Yesterday was a HORRIBLE day, Last night my baby started stomach flu near the end of the wicked day and was sick all night. I wasn't feeling well this morning. Today I'm relaxing, and giving myself room to breathe. I am not feeling guilty that I didn't drink the water, or that I needed the sleep more than Yoga this morning. I am not a failure. I am moving FORWARD. I have to go through what I have to go trough, but I'm not going to stop and whine about "failures" because they can't stop me unless I allow them to. The Forward Energy comes from the fact that I am doing what I really want to do, and I accept the fact that rough days are a part of life. I believe in my dreams, and I know that one bad day will not de-rail them. Set backs are temporary. My dreams are forever.

Following is an email I sent to Connie the other day, and her reply. I'm including this to illustrate an example of what setting the little goals and focusing on them rather than what "I should do" has done for me.

Connie,
I just wanted to tell you of yet another success.
First , When I was thinking about what to make as a Christmas Card this year, I was overwhelmed. I had some on hand, very cute ones, that I had purchased last year 1/2 off after Christmas. I decided that even though I'm a paper crafts professional and teach others how to do make cards and scrapbook, I didn't have to send handmade cards this year - I would use the ones I ALREADY HAD. It was a major Peace moment.
Second, I chopped my card sending goal into very manageable chunks. When I got started this morning on this weeks goal, I was just buzzing right along. I had just wanted to print out the letters, and start addressing envelopes this week. Everything fell into place and I ended up doing much more that I thought I'd be able to accomplish this week. More than half are already MAILED. My goal was to mail them sometime next week. I attribute my energy to the fact that it was something I wanted to do, rather than something I "should" do. The energy that I have reaped in setting small goals, rather than focusing on "shoulds" is unbelievable to me. Unbelievable.
Happy Day to you!
Abby C



Hi Abby,

I am so happy for you!! Don't you love that feeling, when it clicks, and that concept now becomes a reality in your life, because you see the fruits and you say, wow, this really works!

I am so proud of you for not just becoming aware of the principles, but to actually act on them in your life. That's when the domino effect goes into motion and that's when you really start changing, mind and soul. You have done a fabulous job of being aware, then acting on that impression or thought. That's so powerful, and so life-changing.

Keep up the fabulous work, insights and paradigm shifts. You are not just helping change your life, but those around you. People become empowered by the positive and bold choices of others. Kudos to you for making good things happen in your life!

All my best,
Connie

Connie Sokol
President, LIFEChange
info@lifechangeprogram.com
801.787.4910

That was a lot of reading, and I hope it was useful. More Questions? Want to go to the event at Thanksgiving Point? Email me!

Dead Blackberry

Q sprayed my new phone with Windex, (a lot of Windex). It died. I have buried it in rice hoping that it will be resurrected in the morning. Bad things usually come in threes. That was the third dastardly deed he pulled in about 2 hours so I think I may be done fielding major Q-caused problems today. I didn't yell at him, but I did cry - I was feeling very very frustrated. Thankfully, I still have my old phone so at least I don't feel like I'm in Outer Mongolia while I wait for the "miracle of the rice".

I wish that the rest of the day had been wonderful, but it has been a very difficult day. There is one more major opportunity to salvage the day, and I am hopeful. Last year's Christmas Enrichment Program was wonderful, and I think this year it will be even better. My sister K and I are singing "Silent Night" at the end - the "big finish". Thanks to K, it will be because anytime she sings, it is amazing. People turn around in church to figure out where that voice is coming from, it is truly angelic.

This day, too, shall pass. Maybe the best has been saved for last.

Goals

I've been working on some things lately that I've mentioned before, but never really spoken about it in depth. I started a program called LIFEChange, which has been catalytic for me. I began reading and listening to the CD the first week of November. The Architecture goal grew out of that listening, and more specifically the recognition that I needed to bone up on my math before I could do anything to work toward the Architecture goal. My walking and exercise goals, the drinking water, the specific ways I'm focusing on spiritual things, all grew out of that. Most importantly I have a LIFEVision, as well as a LIFEFocus for the year. The greatest part is that these are things "I want to do". I'm not doing anything because I think I "should." I believe that has been the key to my success with it. I actually WANT to get up and do YOGA in the morning. I want time to write in my journal. I make small goals to break up bigger things, like Christmas cards. I do the little goals, and use the rest of my time to think about other things. I am consumed with forward energy, rather than "I really ought to but I don't feel like it" energy. I was positive and optimistic before, but now I am focused which is far more powerful. I'd love to help others to get the same momentum in their lives. I'd love to be a part of making this work for other people.