From Time to Time

It isn't so much that family life can hand you a string of difficult, or even painful days, that makes it attractive. Heck, you can get that in ANY life, you don't have to be a part of a large family to have a bad day. You can have a bad day all by yourself and that will be that. There won't be anyone at home needing you to care for their most basic needs, except for you. You can sit in a tub and sip sparkling grape the rest of the night and no one will even notice that you've slipped off the "work" radar. Just try to do that in a house with five non-sleeping children. Try to take a shower or just close a door behind you. My children are like wardens demanding my strict compliance to their rule that "Mommy must have no privacy at any time." Even when I have physical privacy, one of them - usually my four year old son - is outside the door "talking" to me and poking his fingers under the door. Well, and that's just the privacy thing. One must understand that with many people comes the propensity for many problems or sometimes disasters, occurring simultaneously. Often, there are many many crying yelling kicking screaming people in numerous areas of my home, each needing immediate attention. It very often happens the moment I need to have a phone conversation (and I do mean literally "the moment") or when someone has come to my door with important business. Like a volcano, my home can erupt. I can quite often find a quiet spot to continue my phone conversations. All I can do is feel sorry for the person who needs to speak to me at the door. If they don't have a bountiful array of offspring in their own home, they usually wear a look of bewilderment on their faces for a few seconds until they remember why they are standing there and try to communicate their business. More than once, a conversation has started with "How many children do you HAVE?" The correct answer to that question is five, but if I really want to astound the individual I'll add an "only" or a "just". You know, "Only five." The next phrase is usually "I don't know how you do it." On the other hand, if the person has had experience caring for many children, they just smile and nod, usually chuckle a bit and ask "How many do YOU have?" There is an unspoken bond between parents of large families. I have to admit here that I honestly do enjoy little fingers poking out from under the door. It's the ultimate "I want to be close to you" message.
Real life, family style is a string of these events day after day and it can wear you thin. As I said before, however, these are not the things that attract people to family life. The real allure is in the tiniest details and the smallest moments when things are right - or at least the way you imagined they would be. It doesn't happen very often, but it DOES and to a mind conditioned to functioning with chaos and craziness, that moment can seem to last a lifetime as though we were all suspended in time. The trick is to realize that family life isn't supposed to be that way all the time. If our floor was piled high with diamonds, would we recognize the value of them? Anything that is plentiful, we rarely consider a blessing - that's the way we humans are. The chaos is the price we have to pay for eyes to see just how wonderful a family of young children can be, from time to time.

The right thing

The time is always right to do what is right.
--Martin Luther King Jr.

People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
--Abraham Lincoln

I think we can all agree that these to men had it made. Their lives were easy. They were destined for greatness and arrived there without much thought. The truth is, except for the part about their being destined for greatness, just the opposite. They were in the right place at the right time and accomplished all that they did because they would not give up in the face of great difficulty and opposition. They believed in the value of their work. I don't know if either of them could have recognized, during their foreshortened lives, the impact that they would truly have on the nation as a whole.
There can be no doubt that there were those who didn't agree with them, who fought against them. Doing what is right, however, doesn't guarantee that you will be free from pain or difficulty, it just means that the future consequences of your correct actions will be good. Who would disagree that the consequences of the actions taken by Lincoln and King were good? I hesitate to imagine our nation without either of them, and shudder to think of where we all might be if neither of them had followed the directives of their hearts or had just given up in the face of bitter trials. Everyone has choices to make. We all decide how much of ourselves we are willing to lay on the altar of the "greater good". Sacrifice and selflessness are hallmarks of those who make a difference in the world. Whether to be happy, or not, is also one of those choices and is much less connected to circumstances than most people would like to believe. When we put conditions on our happiness, the likelihood that we will ever find happiness is very small. Contentedness is a blessing. If we are content with what we have, happiness is the next step on the road. Contentedness and happiness almost always travel together.
Happiness in others can be deceiving. People handle their troubles very differently. They cope in different ways. Some are much happier even in extreme circumstances than others who have very little to worry them. I count myself in the category of the very blessed. I have everything I need to sustain my life and to bring life to my living. Still, we can't be certain that a smile isn't concealing enormous burdens. It is the best reason in the world to really care about and get to know others. If you find someone who bears up admirably under difficulty, make them your friend. They will bless your life, and who knows - maybe they will bless the entire nation or the world.

Courage

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." --Ambrose Redmoon

Making the difference

Things don't really make a difference, you know? People make the difference. Things combined with people can sometimes make things great, but leave out the things and keep the people it will probably still be wonderful. A diamond ring at just the right moment with the right person can mean an entire world. Diamond but no person, not powerful, but still lovely. A Diamond and the wrong person might as well be the starting gun for a hundred yard dash. People make the difference. They are what matters. Their value can't be underestimated and their impact can be miraculous. I have a few miraculous people in my life right now. They are making a huge difference in how I see and respond to my world. True friends don't have to do much but be there when you need to talk, and be willing to share real experiences and feelings. Friends don't try to hide behind a facade of seeming perfection. They open their world to you and help you to see the things that you're probably missing. They can make a difference that way, a real difference. They can save you from heartache that they've felt. They can give you hope, almost like a transfusion. It's a lifesaving venture in times of crisis to be a friend when one is most desperately needed. I can only begin to describe how blessed I feel to have such friends at this time in my life. What they mean to me is something indescribable. They are like angels from heaven, and I pray that God will bless them or maybe that He will allow me to bless them, the way they have blessed me.

A Good Day

I love cool clouds. I remember an evening during my college days when the clouds seemed to be in ribbons. Catching the last rays of the sun, peachy, pink they twisted across a turquoise sky. I thanked God that I was alive to see it. Honestly. It was so beautiful, a painting in the sky the likes of which I have never seen since then. I've heard many people say that watching the sun set across a beautiful ocean is their idea of heaven. For some reason, although I love the beach - sunset there doesn't do as much for me as in the mountains. (Nice for me I live in a very mountainous region.)



This photo, I took from the deck of my first home on Halloween 2005. The colors just seemed so appropriate for the night. A year later, we had Halloween in a new house and soon we'll be enjoying another. So many things have changed since I took this photo. The actual people in my life are the same, but the circumstances in so many of our lives are different now. That's okay. Change is natural and although we often fight it like a child at bedtime, it is good for us. A lot is changing for me still, but I have hopeful feelings. I believe in good things to come. Like today, I feel like today is going to be a good day. There is something in the air. For now, it's time to get on with the living of it.

Have a wonderful day and a beautiful sunset wherever you are.

More good quotes

"Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such." -Henry Miller

"I have always felt that the moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours." -Monica Baldwin

“Coming together is a beginning.

Keeping together is progress.

Working together is success!”

-Henry Ford

Family

D's parents have moved to St. George - a city within 4 hours of us. His brother has lived in Las Vegas for the last 3 years. Prior to this, both families lived on the East Coast, and visits with them were infrequent. I've really enjoyed spending time with our sister-in-law (M) over the past couple of years. She and I share some similar life experiences which adds a depth of understanding and compassion to our relationship. It's nice to finally have a chance to develop that relationship, and to be friends. D's brother's children are older than ours by a few years on the long end. His twin girls were born only a couple of months before T was born. They are very sweet and caring with our children. Patient, interested and fun to be with, our brood loves to visit with them. Like most brothers, D and his sibling have existing issues. In general, as adults, everyone has learned to behave and we can enjoy the time we have together. The visit this time was for the specific purpose of celebrating D's mother's birthday with her - something we haven't been able to do for 10 years. It was wonderful. Every bit of it. M is a fantastic cook, a stunningly good hostess. She thinks of special things that fly over my head like a flock of birds. (I haven't even begun the beginner's hostess course.) She nails the role, and then thanks us for coming, in a most sincere tone. I honestly haven't seen D's mom and dad that relaxed in a long time. I think that it has been very good for them. I believe that it is going to be very good for us, too. The sad part is, that in the rush to get ready, I forgot the birthday cards. I need to get some belated birthday and thank you cards out for Mom, the twins and M. I may not be a good hostess but I can be a good guest. I can make cards - and I better get to it. A little more refining and polishing never hurt anyone, especially me.

Time, the Great Iron

Time has a way of working out the wrinkles out of life. T had a big wrinkle on Friday - his friends decided not to be his friends anymore. He was, of course, devastated. Life was over. There was just no use going on, because as anyone who has been eleven plainly knows - your friends are everything. On the whole, T has been well accepted by the kids at the "new" school. He is amiable and wants to fit in. He is a little prone to following due to that fact. The friends he's made definitely possess more dominant personalities, and he doesn't mind. They are smart and well liked. He's an easy addition to the crowd because he doesn't rock the boat much. Until Friday. He declared that the game they were all playing together was unfairly weighted for one team, he was sick of it and didn't want to play anymore. Imagine his shock when the rest of the boys gathered in a group and discussed "him" - standing just close enough for him to hear his name being thrown around. One of the boys came over to him afterward and apologized. He didn't like what had just happened, and wasn't going to hang with the group's decision to vote T "out". On Friday, as far as he knew, he had one friend left. I'm not ashamed to say that of all the boys, that singular friend was the one I had been most impressed with all along. Character is more evident at 11 and 12 than one might think. I wasn't especially surprised to learn that it had been this boy who remained a friend in the face of the cruelty of the others. I was astounded that the others would be so fickle and unkind.
Monday after school, he was fine. All of the boys had returned to him and apologized for being mean. They did want to be friends after all. I asked T if he was sure it was what he wanted, and he seemed confident that everything was going to be fine. In my mind, however, this was a shot over the bow of my baby boy's ship. I wonder if it isn't a harbinger of other difficult things to come in the future. There was another lesson, however that seems even more powerful. Time often takes care of things that seem much to large for us to work out on our own. Sometimes, it flattens us, along with the wrinkles. Time proves us, right or wrong. Most often, it proves our worrying of no use. It lessens pain and smoothes even the grandest of mountains.
For me, there are quite a number of mountains on the horizon. I'm learning to take one day's journey at a time, and not to try to climb the mountains that are still in the distance. The time it will take to reach them is time to prepare, and that alone can make a difficult climb much easier.

Checking in

I've had some longtime friends checking in lately. It has been great. I needed it. Turner had a major falling out with his friends at school on Friday. Should know today what the permanent situation will be like. We spent the weekend with Dan's family in St. George and Las Vegas, and it was a wonderful time. More on those issues later.

Right now, Q is bored. He is interpreting this as hunger. This post will not be a long one. "Mommy, I'm hungry, and I'm hungry and I'm hungry." Kicks sister. "You have to give me lunch. You have to give me lunch. Give me lunch." Whinese is not my favorite language, although I assume that I was once quite fluent in it. "Please, give me lunch. You won't give me lunch." Time to go. My brain is about to explode.

Sometimes you just can't sleep

I was wide awake at 3:30 a.m. this morning. At 4 a.m. none of the regular things had helped and I gave into boredom. I got up and read and found some online tutorials for AutoCAD. The only problem that I can see is that AutoCAD only runs on PCs and this is a Mac household. The tutorials are great, however. I'm sure I'll be able to learn what I need to know. After that I wrote a little bit in my journal, had a shower and it was time to start the day.
Now it's 2 p.m. and I'm exhausted. The kids will be ready to come home from school in about an hour. The two younger ones are watching Curious George. I've started the laundry. Soon, I'll make my bed. (I washed the sheets today.) I had hoped that my Scentsy things would be here today, but it looks like they haven't even shipped yet. (Also something easy to check on when you don't have any plans in the wee hours of the morning.) I'm just coming up with things to do to keep my engine running until I can get a little nap. I used to be a night owl, but I suppose that has gone the way of our five children. I need to figure out what to do next, to keep myself awake . . . because this plan is quickly becoming . . . less effective. . . zzzzzz . . . .

Thoughts about Grandma

My Grandmother will be 90 years old in a little over a month. Here are some thoughts I wrote down about her today:

As a small child, I used to run straight to the Northwest corner of Grandma's living room. That's where she kept the "toys". As I grew, I loved so many things about Grandma's house. Her lovely garden was always a springboard for my imagination, and the fruits and vegetables filled up more than our stomachs. With Evan's farm so close, we also had hours of fun feeding cows and calves. Grandma often gave us small baby food jars filled with cream to shake into butter. There were long country roads to walk. There were stories of childhoods long gone: ponds, cousins and horse draw buggies and sleds. As I have added my own childhood to those in the stories, I have also enjoyed watching my own children run for the toys in the Northwest corner, visit baby cows, and walk on those roads. There isn't anyplace sweeter to me than my Grandmother's house. In my memories, her garden beds will always be filled with irises and snapdragons. There will always be pots upon pots overflowing with Geraniums. There will always be raspberries and long string beans. She will always have a crochet project next to her comfy chair and there will always be a smile on her face. Most importantly, I know that in each day of her life, there is a testimony of the gospel for me to draw on and a love of the Lord that I can emulate and pass to my children and grandchildren as humbly as she has given it to me.

Movement

I find that I am caught in a river of new activities. They encompass pieces of my whole life - professional, personal and family. I've still got my old business, but I'm starting in a new one. I have a new job at church. I'm doing more with my hobbies finally, and submitting my work for publication. D's parents have moved here from New York, and so we will be spending more time traveling to be with them than we have before. That's just the new stuff. All the old stuff is still kicking around. For a long time I felt like I was stuck somewhere, but there's no chance of that feeling sneaking in right now, even if there is no change on the front that isn't moving along quickly. I just hope that I can keep up, and keep things organized. (Reminder to self: Find planner that the kids removed from my bag while at Grandma's last week.) I'm trying to accomplish as many things with singular efforts as I can, like promoting both businesses as once. One area will require it's own time, because it's completely new to me and there's more to it than I thought there'd be. The church job. I am in charge of helping those in my area prepare some kind of food and water storage. Along with that, I am on a committee and have the responsibility to organize a service project. Never been there, never done that. One thing I've learned as a mother of five children is that nothing happens without effort, and that effort usually has to be squeezed in between and around other things. I consider that a fantastic advantage. It's like the cutting edge rocket science of life-management. If I can keep my wits about me, I just might survive this river run. I have on my life preserver so I'm sure I'll be fine.

The Sweetest Thing

There isn't much in the world which is more powerful to me, than to look at photos of my children as newborns. Babies are cute, but it is more than that. Having seen them grow, knowing their faces now, and then to look back. It is so amazing. Even then, they were themselves. It is such a blessing for me to have been there each and every moment of their lives. Their endearing and identifying features were already there. So tiny, and yet so whole and complete already. It is funny, also, to think about their personalities. How much of their temperament was already recognizable and unique. Each one of them was, and still is, so different. Each one of them a treasure. Losing myself in the photos is like being transported back over space and time to when they were so new. It is the purest joy I have known in this world. The sweetest thing is to have these beautiful faces, still, to greet me everyday.

Thinking in the Shower

Some people sing in the shower, I know some of my children do. Today, I was thinking in the shower. I had just been on the internet and seen a photograph of two people who in my paper-craft-world mind are both celebrities. One is, granted, more well known. The second person was so excited to have been able to meet the first person. I know of both of them through their work, and the fact that their work has spawned companies for which they are the spokesperson. The thought crossed my mind that everything out there in the world was started by someone, or a small group of individuals. A face behind everything - whether it is the public face or not. Then, for me the most powerful thought - "What do I want to put myself behind?" "What would I be willing to work for?" For the most part that question is really already answered. There are however, small pockets of time in my life which are still mine. I'm not saying that I want to start a company, just that I want to be deliberate about what I associate myself with. I don't want that to be an accident, I want it to be a choice. I want to be associated with things and people that are good, uplifting and wholesome. I want to warm people up and make them feel happier. I'd like to bring a little joy and discovery into their lives as well, if possible. They are simple things, my goals. I believe that I already have the tools to accomplish most of them.

Birthday details

I started making dinner on my birthday about 6:45 p.m. My stomach was a little bit upset, and I wasn’t keen on eating much of anything, so I settled on mashed potatoes, corn and barbecued chicken. I had it just about done when Dan came in the door, with flowers and chocolate.

Now, that was a surprise.

He returned to the car, and came back in with strawberries and angel food cake.

Now, there was another surprise.

As he cut the strawberries, he told me that he had left work early, but there was a lot of traffic. I told him that it was good that he hadn’t come home any sooner, because I wouldn’t have had a clue what we’d be having for dinner. “I thought I’d left early enough to come home and make you dinner.”

And now, I’m dumbfounded.

From that point, he did everything. He served everyone dinner, and then birthday cake, and he (with a little help from the boys) cleaned it all up. I sat back and enjoyed - it’s hard to soak in so much pampering and attention. I am not ashamed to say that I loved it, it was just wonderful. I’m writing it down but, I won’t forget anytime soon.
This might be normal birthday fare for some, but not generally here. Dan isn’t much for celebrating birthdays, maybe because his own birthday is five days after Christmas. Growing up, his birthdays weren’t much fun for him, and generally his siblings (he was the youngest) treated it like Christmas leftovers. He makes "the cake" - and I am talking a Most Delicious Sour Cream Chocolate from scratch Cake. He always finds a gift. I can't have that cake anymore, though because of all the fat. I wasn't sure what he'd do. I just wasn’t expecting all of the time that he spent thinking about it, and making things nice for me. That one detail puts a glow on the entire evening.

You say it's my birthday?

I got the email yesterday. I was not selected this time, but I don't intend to quit - this was after all my first try for a design team. It does, however, give me good reason to get out there into the world of submitting my work to publishers. I want to find out what makes me and my work different - and I can only find that out by doing the work.
We are at a good place, a positive change place. Little things here and there like light fixtures and art on the walls. I got a giant magnet board last week, which I'm excited about. I don't think I'll have time to paint its frame today however, I've got to go and get the car inspected and sit in line at the DMV. Unfortunately, that is probably what I'll be doing today, on my birthday. If I can get that accomplished, I'll drive to this store I know of and get myself some paper! I'd go to that store right now, (the birthday has got to be got to be good for something!) except that I don't want to risk getting pulled over for expired tags!
As far as another year is concerned, I have only this to say. I still believe that the best is yet to come.

Gellin'

I feel like I'm headed into a creative zone, in a big way. I've been a collector for a while now, gathering things that I wanted to use someday on projects that were in my head. Well, I've started to put some of those things together now, and it looks good. The project is important to me, a center piece of my family history. These pages that I'm putting together now are the births of my children. I have all of the photos I'll need gathered up - a fairly simple process really since I've stored them in an organized way. Even better, as I've looked through the items that I've collected over literally years, I've found some which will greatly enhance my original plan while at the same time simplifying some parts of it. It's hard to explain, except that I just know it's going to work. I have that good feeling that I often get right before a fit of really successful work. That is something I am going to diligently try not to ignore.

Tomorrow should also be the day I get a yes or no phone call from Cornish Heritage Farms. I'm glad that I did it no matter what the answer is. That is a great feeling. I just feel good about it and I won't be disappointed either way. These kinds of feelings don't come around very often - or maybe I'm just growing up enough that my confidence is more solid. I'm gellin' as they say - comfortable and happy with myself and where I'm headed.