November

Today marks the beginning of the last month until my 11 year old son turns 12. It's a big deal for him, and for me. He's growing and changing a lot. He's a big tease, and that is what gets him in the most trouble at home. I have a rule specifically prohibiting older children from riling up the younger ones near bedtime. He has a hard time distinguishing between having fun and the aforementioned behavior. I'm glad he enjoys being with the family, but there is a time and a place even for fun. This morning I had to work on him with regard to how he was treating the 9 year old. He's entered the time when it's not "cool" to hang out with younger siblings while your friends are around. Last night he went trick-or-treating with some friends instead of his brother. C was crushed. I reasoned with C, and tried to help him see that it was natural for T to be doing things more on his own, and with friends. It didn't seem to help much. When it comes to mistreatment, however, I don't stand for it, and this morning there was no question that his actions were firmly in the arena of mistreatment. Not only was he over the line, he was unrelenting and unresponsive when it came to my warnings. Finally, it became clear that I would have to take him down quite a few notches. When I was finished, his high horse was looking much more like a miniature pony. Amazingly, I maintained my cool through it all. I did it lovingly, but firmly, and made sure that they both knew where I stood when it came to my love for them. They are such great boys, both of them. Their strengths are very different, as are their weaknesses. I love them both dearly, and I need them to know that I will stand between them if necessary. I made sure that T was humble, but not humiliated. I made sure that he knew I loved him, even if I couldn't allow his behavior. The stress on parents when it comes to managing these kinds of conflicts in not negligible. Raising children can be hazardous to your health - especially to hearing and blood pressure. I'm fairly certain, however, that studies would bear out what I find to be true with myself and my five children. They lighten my load more than weigh me down. They bring me joy far more than they give me grief. They surprise and amuse me, they are good for my health, they bring purpose, direction and joy to my life. Raising them is a life I would choose over and over again - even with the acknowledged hazards.