Little Q does in his Mother

Church is not a fun place to take Q. Having him at home isn't much fun most of the time, but church? Today, I finally did what I have been threatening to do for a little while. I brought him home, and put him in his bed. He kicked and screamed (for his Daddy) the entire way. We only live about a block from the chapel, so it wasn't far to walk but it was still the longest block of my life. Most of the way I was near tears, of frustration, and generally wondering whether I could actually succeed in raising this child. At least now, he knows that if he doesn't behave, he will be turned on his heels and marched right back out the door.
For some reason, he's quiet now. The battle of wills has ended and I guess he's worn out. I sure am. Speaking of quiet, he was at my mother's last Thursday. D called me from work and the first thing he said was, "Wow, you are in a really good mood." It was true. My mood was excellent. I had energy to spare. I didn't feel like I was running an entire household with 90% of my neurons tied behind my back. I was relaxed. I felt up to the tasks at hand. It was joyous, and quiet. I would never have guessed that one little boy could turn a home so much on its head, but that's my Q. When people telephone to our home, and Q in not here they almost always comment, "It's so quiet over there today." When I mention the absence of Q, there is a knowing, "OOOOOOH!" Like, "Of course - I should have known that."
My oldest, T, was much like Q when he was little: Very Very Busy, and prone to mischief. No book on child care contained anything of value to me. T did not respond like most children, and that was about all I could figure out. Finally, I did find a book that seemed to pinpoint my little boy - and I rejoiced. He grew, and grew - he's nearly as tall as I am. We are still looking for the things that he will love, and pour himself into, but he is a great kid and it is obvious that he has potential. He's loving and helpful. It gives me hope. T was a wild child, but he doesn't have much on Q when it comes to determination to see his will accomplished.
There are no boundaries in the world of Q. He is invincible. Somehow, I managed to come off the conqueror today, but I know it's just the battle. It is so important to train him now, because at some point - I will have to turn him loose on the world. He WILL have to be able to survive on his own, and that means self-control. I really only know one thing - three year olds grow, and so do eleven year olds. My time with them is limited. Thankfully, I still have many many years to work with Q, and with the rest of my children, too. We may be fairly unique, as a family. It will be interesting to see, someday, what these 5 very unique people offer to the world. I think that it will be something great.

Little A saves her known universe

Little A, we share an initial but not a name, is feeling much better. Her natural happiness is so buoyant, it lifts the whole house up just a smidgen closer to heaven. She's only a year old, and very independent in my reckoning, but only in the best way. She loves to be cuddled and held, but is happy exploring her universe as well. Yesterday, she did a lot of exploring. As I went from room to room, she peeked in cabinets and under beds, into washers of all kinds and closets wherever she could find one. Most unfortunately, her favorite place to look for treasures is the kitchen waste basket. Always something new and exciting in there. Often, there is food - which she finds thrilling. Speaking of food, she prizes cookies of any kind. She fell asleep on my lap with a cookie in each hand yesterday. I couldn't bear to put her down, she was so cute - face and hands covered with chocolate cookie crumbs.
What do I love about A? I think that it has to be her muppet smile. She opens her mouth so wide, she could probably get her fist into it - and yet no teeth are showing. The top lip is completely straight, and her bottom lip forms a perfect half circle. Her eyes sparkle and without a word she says, "Boy am I happy to see YOU!" It happens all day long, when she's feeling well, and it is a blessing to everyone. She is the smallest in our home, and every one of the rest of us would do anything to please her, and catch a glimpse of that smile. This could lead to her becoming spoiled, I'm sure. I am fairly determined that this should not be the case, however. I tell her no. For example, I don't let her use the cleaning supplies underneath the sink as toys - although she desperately wants to, and tries to every time I open the cabinet. I also don't allow her to forage in the waste basket, and she does not appreciate that. She'll thank me later. I insist on changing her diapers, too - even though she feels it cuts into her play time.
So what has she done to save her universe? She came to it, and stayed with us even though we are not nearly perfect enough to care for her. I am fairly sure, the way I know that Q had a stint as the Angel of Destruction, that A also had a special job to do. I think that job had something to do with lightening the heart of the Almighty. She has unbelievable skills, and I am humbled by that. Someone on high knew that we needed her, and was willing to let her go so that we could be lifted.

Tsunami

Is it possible for a brain to explode? Sometimes living with my children feels like being dragged under by a Tsunami of emotion. One of my biggest challenges is finding a way to teach my children to manage their emotions rather than being managed by their emotions, and as an extension trying to manipulate others with emotion. When my own frustration level is through the roof. . .and I do wonder sometimes if, from the outside, the house does actually appear to be shaking. . .it can be the ultimate challenge to maintain control over my own emotions. E, my 5 year old daughter, has been trying for about a year now to perfect the use of repetition in the pursuit of her desires. C, my 8 year old son, finds that wailing as though he were about to die - anytime there is a perceived injustice - to be his preferred form of self-expression. T, 11 year old son, has developed skills with anger and general lack of volume control. Q at three years old has mastered all of these, and adds to them the unconquerable spirit of "I am the undisputed ruler of this domain." A is only a year old, but her flair for the dramatic is impressive. Finding herself disappointed, she has been known to fall to the ground limbs flopping this way and that like limp noodles. It is rare that all of them find one single moment to unleash their particular emotional talents - but it has been known to happen. And so I ask, "Is it possible for a brain to explode?

Now, who do I deliver the kingdom to?

We slept like real live babies last night. I figure I must owe someone for the wonderful experience, seeing that I offered a good deal for it. An entire kingdom, but worth the price. I never had a colicky baby - this is as close as I've come to night after night of zero sleep. I really feel for all of those parents out there working THAT night shift. I'm not saying that my kingdom is an easy gig. Four of the five charges are quite strong-willed. Be that as it may, if you can prove that you are the one that made my wonderful night's rest possible, I suppose I owe it to you - the entire kingdom. Thank you, whoever you are. . .and if you do happen to be Obi Won Kenobi - could you please be the one from Star Wars Episode II?

Organizing - My Real Hobby

There are a few things I'd like to accomplish, after all we moved into the house less than three full months ago and I have some organizing left to do. I know that we're doing remarkably well for having to fight with five children to get any of said organizing done. All of my "things" ended up in the basement, which is unfinished for now, and unheated - think freezing. I've finally got enough shelving to organize all of my hobby paraphernalia. I just want to get everything else out of boxes and onto a shelf. I want to bring some of my professional books upstairs to the shelves in the family room. The kids are fed, the dishes are done, C has finished his homework and I just need to check it. Did I mention that it is FREEZING in the basement? It puts a damper on my desire to get to work. I know that I'll feel much better when it's done, and I'll start using my desk more. That can only be a good thing, because anything creative is so soothing to me. At the moment, I spend more time organizing than working on projects but it won't be much longer and we'll have that dragon licked! I hope.
My space has to facilitate a lot of living. I have learned many needle crafts and have been sewing for 27 years. When my grandma's vision started to fail, she gave me all of her yarn and needles. Many storage items in that category. About five years ago I added paper crafts to the fray. I scrapbook and make cards. My husband works for a scrapbooking company, and I am a Stampin' UP! demonstrator. Lots of paper crafting, and now business items to store! Of course I need most everything to be easily accessible and easy to see, next year's Christmas cards are the exception. There are many items to organize relating to my own personal history and my family's history. Numerous photos and report cards and special items are waiting to be sorted and put away until I can give them a permanent home. There are things that just need to be donated to charity, and I've got to work that into this process, too. Anything that I can't find a real place for is going to have to go.
When I first started working on this pipe dream of organizaiton, a friend commented that he thought I only had 5 hobbies - an obvious reference to my children. Right now, they are my days and my nights. There are moments when all five are busy with play, or a babysitter, and I can steal away. . . to organize. Someday, I've heard, I will have a lot more time on my hands - and by then I'm certain that I will also have a heated and finished space to work in. There is nothing so certain as the passage of time. While there are some things I'd like to get done, I'm not in too much of a hurry. When the time passes, it is gone forever and with it the childhood of my babies. I take a lot of photos and keep good journals. When I do have the promised extra time, I will be able to do justice to the sweetness that the five of them have brought to my life.

My kingdom for a decent night's rest

It must be time to add something to the blog, because boy am I cranky! A has been sick this week. Diagnosed Sunday with an ear infection. Hives Sunday night - could only be the Amoxicillin. Started Omnicef on Monday - she still seems very uncomfortable, maybe there's still some Amoxicillin in her system? Totally out of sorts on Tuesday night, and oh look, a few little bumps on the back of her neck - has to be the Omnicef. Her ear infection was only budding, and not nearly the problem that curing her of it has been. I really haven't slept much for 3 days, and having spent those nights with a screaming baby I'm walking the razor's edge when it comes to patience. Honestly, I don't have any patience left at all, but for the sake of the rest of the family I'm managing not to fly off the handle about every little thing.
I've got a headache, and for some reason the older boys seem extra silly today. Coincidence? It's probably not even the truth - just the perception of a brain which hasn't been able to process properly for half the week. The funny thing is that A didn't even nap today. She acted tired a couple of times, but didn't ever sink into the deep sleep she usually does after receiving her dosage of warm milk. Everyone is a little out of kilter though, and I know it's not completely my imagination. Sassy and slow to obey about sums it up. There is a patience factor there, but honestly, E doesn't generally respond to my every request with a screaming fit and T is, well he's T. Come to think of it, he's not brooding about not being able to play video games, which is a step toward better than yesterday. At the moment, E and C are in the other room pretending up some big scheme - full of emotion but not fighting. That is something to truly be thankful for, and I am. Q and A are sitting here in the room with me. They aren't crawling all over me, or even trying to crawl all over me. I haven't seen much beyond the normal destruction, which is also very good. I think we are all winding down, finally.
I called the doctor's office, to fill them in on all of the commotion with A. I told them what I was going to do, and they were fine with it. There is no way I'm giving her another round of Omnicef tonight. Out of plain self-preservation, mostly but I'm looking at it as an experiment. If she actually sleeps well, then we know it was the antibiotic and we can start again. Turner should be home from Scouts soon, so here's what I'm really hoping for. He'll finish his homework without a big fuss - he's told me that it isn't much so I'm feeling like that's a real possibility. We'll all get ready for bed, brush our teeth and everybody will fall asleep quickly. As for me, I'll just pretend that this day never really happened and try not to worry about what I could be in for during the wee hours of the morning. As another stressed out princess under attack once said, "Help us Obi Won Kenobi. You're our only hope."

She's just like me!

Having lived with myself for 37 years, these are the things that I've noticed. I'm a patient person, to a point. Usually that point is the one that crosses my very strong will. I'm a happy person. I have experienced depression, every one on earth gets "down" every once in a while. There are really only a few times in my life that I think I was clinically depressed, although I've never been treated for it. I have this idea that I can do just about anything I set my mind to. Sometimes, that is in direct conflict with reality and frustration can build up quickly behind that dynamic. Most of the time, though I'm able to ignore the frustration until I can change reality - or at least gain the skills necessary to conquer the thing I'm working at. That comes back to my very strong will, and leads me directly to my baby, A. This little angel has been a precious gift to her Daddy and I. She came just in time to lighten a load which seemed to be getting heavier every second. Well, the angel just turned one and she discovered some really important things about herself. She is capable. She has learned to walk. She can communicate, though she naturally has a very limited vocabulary. And guess what? She has a will, and this idea that she should be able to do just about anything she can think of. Remind me of anyone? Right now it is almost endearing to watch her insist on doing things herself, mostly because her actual capacity is so limited. "How dare you try to hold that very large glass for me?!?" She protests and huffs. Seriously, she does - and I find it extremely hard not to laugh sometimes. Other times, when my dinner fork gets tossed across the room full of food, I wish I could find it hard to laugh. Often, she refuses the things she wants the most simply because I am holding them in MY hands. (Then again, why shouldn't I be holding my lunch in my hands?) I have to admit that I was quite surprised to see this manifest itself so early in her. She has always been such a sweet patient little girl. Then again, I guess that we've just reached the point where her patience has been crossed by her very strong will. I am going to give everything that I have to keep my own personal very strong will in check, so that I can more fully enjoy this baby of mine who very surely will not be a baby much longer.

2006

That may be a bit too much to cover here. I'll probably only have a couple minutes anyway and who can say anything decent about an entire year in a couple of minutes. That leads me to the Christmas letters we've been getting. It's wonderful to see that all the friends I only keep in touch with around December are doing well. Personally, I wish some of the letters would cover more of their struggles along with the triumphs. It's impossible that life coasts along without incident, for anyone. Our year sure was gut-wrenching. It has been a time of quick growth for my husband and I. We are 37, and in many ways as average and thirty-something as they come. We haven't grown in stature. I'm still 5'4" and he's still 6'0". We have, however, been wrestling with the facts of our lives, and have changed a lot since this time last year. January 2006 found us caring for a five day old precious daughter, worrying for her health and trying to keep germs away. The winter and early spring passed in a blur of getting by, and just surviving. In May, D started to come to grips with issues that have been with him his entire life. Anyone who has been through a process like that knows that it gets worse before it gets better. At it did. On June first, I had the gall bladder attack, and so my physical stress was added to D's emotional stress. That was rough. At the end of July, we also decided to sell our first home and move after 9 years. The stress was nearly too much for D - and I was the one at home with 5 children trying to keep things clean and "show-able". The first contract on our home failed at the closing table, it was a Thursday. We found out after we had signed all of our papers that the buyer's loan had been declined in underwriting. It was now mid-September. We had already moved out of the house, and as luck would have it, my parents were also moving that weekend. We had made plans for the harboring of our large family from Thursday until Monday. Thankfully, even though my parents were in the midst of unpacking boxes themselves, they had enough extra space for the 7 of us to descend upon them for a very indefinite amount of time. We did our best to go on with life and give the children a sense of normalcy. The three oldest started at a new school less than a week after we landed at my parents' home. Thankfully, they made new friends and loved their teachers. Within a month of that first failed closing date, we were completely finished and ready to start the process of moving into our new home. It seemed like forever but it was literally a miracle in the real estate world. We finally had a place to call our own again. We moved in just in time for Halloween and spent all of the holidays here. It is starting to feel like home. In the end, even though this blog version of our year contains more than our Christmas letter did, it still keeps to itself the most painful and private agonies of the year. I suppose that is why the letters we receive tend to touch on the highest of the low points and spare the truly painful. This year, however, I feel like getting back in touch right away to find out the "real scoop". I'm fairly sure that there are some story lines in the lives of my friends that I don't want to miss. At the very least, there are some events in my life that I really do want them to know about. This year's letter mostly related the challenges of raising children, which is honest enough, I guess. I'm hoping that 2007 will have some really relaxed and happy stories to add to our tales of "young family maelstrom".