It's time.

It's all quite painful, this complete rearranging of life. Not that I've felt any degree of abandonment as far as the Lord is concerned, but simply that it is difficult to maintain perfect patience while waiting and wondering what He has in mind. I'm trying for perfect patience, while I do the things that I can do, and wait for His hand. I still feel very keenly His watchful eye, and awareness of me and my family . . . and that DOES make it easier. I know I'm going to cry in the shower today though, it will happen. Even when we are working tirelessly for perfect patience, emotions are sometimes close to the surface - and that it today. Today is a crying day.
I haven't heard anything on the applications I've put in so far, which - due to the size of the companies - I'm not especially surprised at. Both of them, in the application process have notices that it could be some time before they get back to you. I may call one of them this week, just because I have a contact, and a friend has been pushing the "Abby" brand there - I don't think it could hurt. I thought long and hard about the job situation this weekend, and with no immediate prospects, but the need for money looming large, I am going to register with some Temporary Agencies. I've had luck with them in the past, due to the fact that I am reliable, easy-going and understand the word "work". It isn't what I had in mind, but it is where I feel inspired to begin. How often, by the way have you known things to work out "just the way you had in mind?" I think I can count those on one hand. Thankfully, happiness doesn't need to be determined by arbitrary things like that. One can choose to be happy, no matter the circumstances. 
I've also been somewhat plagued by what I should do with my soon to be kindergarten boy - where I should register him for school next year. My Mother, in her gentle way, said nonchalantly on Friday - "Maybe you should put Q at Heartland, then I could just pick him up after school and bring him here." She's not pushy. She rarely tells you what she thinks you should do, or even what she thinks about your plans. This wasn't just a thought, though. In essence, she was saying, "Bring the kids to me." It won't be an easy thing for her, what she was suggesting, but I think it would be the very best thing for my Q. His whole world is going to change this summer. The one place on earth that he feels completely comfortable and happy, however, happens to be my parents' home. I know I wouldn't have to worry about him there. I know he'd be blessed by my Mother's tender heart and endless love, witty wisdom and listening ears. I swear she can hear a person's heart speaking. The school itself has been completely rebuilt from the ground up over the last year and runs on a traditional schedule which would give him a little more time to adjust the changes. It just feels like the best thing for him all the way around. 

A little more about my Mother, since I can never quite do her justice in the first place. She is uniquely selfless, but beyond that she finds her greatest joy in her children and grandchildren. She loves having time with her grandchildren and plans "Grandma Camps" in the summer. She brings them over in pairs for a few days and nights. She plans activities and fun for them, and she loves it. (Needless to say, so do the kids.) I told her how my friends respond to her brand of "Grandma" - they are invariably surprised - and sometimes jealous. More than once, a friend of mine has said "So, she really calls to see if you'll bring the kids over?" What can I say, she does, a lot. I think I've said before that if I am able to be half the woman she is, I will feel very good about the way I'm living my life. I hope the Lord lets me keep her here with me for a very long time. I hope that I can treat her as well, as she ages, as she treats her family. It would be a blessing to care for her.

I have people on every hand offering their help to me. I know that I will grow through this, that in learning to accept help from others, my heart will be more tender as I in turn look for ways to serve God's children. It is what I want, more than anything, to be like the Savior. That is the main reason to work for perfect patience, and cultivate gratitude for all the blessings that are mine. I don't need to know what He has planned, just that He will take care of me and give me the information that I need when it is important.

My favorite scripture is Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.