Spectacular Sky

On Monday we were on the road to my parents home for little Memorial Day get together, when Q (now 5) called out, "Mom, there's two skies!" I looked up to see what he meant, and was astounded by what I saw. It had been raining and the sky was covered in thick dark clouds. I hadn't imagined that they would pass. It had seemed that we were in for a cloudy day - I hadn't thought much of it. For the first time in my life, however, I saw a thick mass of dark clouds, a very defined end to those clouds, followed by a perfectly blue, sun shining fluffy cloud floating spring day as far as the eye could see. It was amazing to me because, you know, ususally you'll see the clouds starting to break up, a little blue poking through here and there, and then some sun. That day, however, the "two skies" were right there together and it was a striking contrast. It seemed profound to me, I feel that way about my life. Exactly that way. There has been a dark mass of clouds hanging over us for a long time, but the end to those clouds is in sight and beyond them, the sky is fine and lovely, the sun is shining. Storms will always be a part of life. It's nice to know that they don't last forever.

T's thumb is actually broken

A week and a half ago at Young Men's, they were playing games, and Turner came home complaining of a jammed thumb. He was still complaining yesterday, and having such a difficult time writing and doing homework that I figured we had better get him seen. I took him over to InstaCare, where they did a number of x-rays and found what they thought was a fracture at the base of his thumb. They put him into a temporary brace, and said they'd call back today after the radiologist had had a chance to look at it. The Radiologist felt that there was indeed a fracture - and that we needed to see the bone doctors. Crazy times. So, I'll be calling to get that appointment fairly soon, and I may set up an appointment for myself at the same time to have them check my wrists - just in case. One is much better, but the other still gives me more trouble than I think it ought to. We'll see. In the meantime, my boy is broken, but doing well. It is the second time he's had a major injury (the first time, a burn) in that area of his hand. I find that very interesting, but I'm like that.

In all the other areas, I'm hanging in there. It's still a roller coaster - just a different kind that depends a lot on things that I can't control . . . I'm learning a lot about faith, patience and trust. I never knew I had so much to learn. That in and of itself is very humbling, because I then realize how very far out in front of me the road extends . . .and it is a long one. The great thing about allowing the Lord to run the show is the acknowledgement that I really have NO CLUE what he is leading me to: Why is that a good thing? Well, the reason that is a good thing has everything to do with the understanding that only He can get me to that place, because only He knows where it is. It is the same reason that "spinning and toiling" won't get me any closer to it. All I need to do is follow the Spirit, day to day, and I will eventually arrive at that place He has prepared for me. It is miraculous. He has promised me that it will be wonderful, and so I will trust, and wait and believe . . . and do the work He gives me each day.

Weewa Tar . . .

My two year old treated me to a very precious version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star today. I enjoyed every second of it. I'm recording it here because I don't want to forget.

"Ween Toe Ween Toe Weewa Tar . . .

Ween Toe Ween Toe Weewa TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"

She was in the other room playing, and didn't know that I was listening. This was obviously her "belt" version - she probably held that note for about 5 seconds, which frankly surprised me. I haven't exposed her to much opera or dramatic singing so far. What a sweetie. Just can't get enough of that.

It's time.

It's all quite painful, this complete rearranging of life. Not that I've felt any degree of abandonment as far as the Lord is concerned, but simply that it is difficult to maintain perfect patience while waiting and wondering what He has in mind. I'm trying for perfect patience, while I do the things that I can do, and wait for His hand. I still feel very keenly His watchful eye, and awareness of me and my family . . . and that DOES make it easier. I know I'm going to cry in the shower today though, it will happen. Even when we are working tirelessly for perfect patience, emotions are sometimes close to the surface - and that it today. Today is a crying day.
I haven't heard anything on the applications I've put in so far, which - due to the size of the companies - I'm not especially surprised at. Both of them, in the application process have notices that it could be some time before they get back to you. I may call one of them this week, just because I have a contact, and a friend has been pushing the "Abby" brand there - I don't think it could hurt. I thought long and hard about the job situation this weekend, and with no immediate prospects, but the need for money looming large, I am going to register with some Temporary Agencies. I've had luck with them in the past, due to the fact that I am reliable, easy-going and understand the word "work". It isn't what I had in mind, but it is where I feel inspired to begin. How often, by the way have you known things to work out "just the way you had in mind?" I think I can count those on one hand. Thankfully, happiness doesn't need to be determined by arbitrary things like that. One can choose to be happy, no matter the circumstances. 
I've also been somewhat plagued by what I should do with my soon to be kindergarten boy - where I should register him for school next year. My Mother, in her gentle way, said nonchalantly on Friday - "Maybe you should put Q at Heartland, then I could just pick him up after school and bring him here." She's not pushy. She rarely tells you what she thinks you should do, or even what she thinks about your plans. This wasn't just a thought, though. In essence, she was saying, "Bring the kids to me." It won't be an easy thing for her, what she was suggesting, but I think it would be the very best thing for my Q. His whole world is going to change this summer. The one place on earth that he feels completely comfortable and happy, however, happens to be my parents' home. I know I wouldn't have to worry about him there. I know he'd be blessed by my Mother's tender heart and endless love, witty wisdom and listening ears. I swear she can hear a person's heart speaking. The school itself has been completely rebuilt from the ground up over the last year and runs on a traditional schedule which would give him a little more time to adjust the changes. It just feels like the best thing for him all the way around. 

A little more about my Mother, since I can never quite do her justice in the first place. She is uniquely selfless, but beyond that she finds her greatest joy in her children and grandchildren. She loves having time with her grandchildren and plans "Grandma Camps" in the summer. She brings them over in pairs for a few days and nights. She plans activities and fun for them, and she loves it. (Needless to say, so do the kids.) I told her how my friends respond to her brand of "Grandma" - they are invariably surprised - and sometimes jealous. More than once, a friend of mine has said "So, she really calls to see if you'll bring the kids over?" What can I say, she does, a lot. I think I've said before that if I am able to be half the woman she is, I will feel very good about the way I'm living my life. I hope the Lord lets me keep her here with me for a very long time. I hope that I can treat her as well, as she ages, as she treats her family. It would be a blessing to care for her.

I have people on every hand offering their help to me. I know that I will grow through this, that in learning to accept help from others, my heart will be more tender as I in turn look for ways to serve God's children. It is what I want, more than anything, to be like the Savior. That is the main reason to work for perfect patience, and cultivate gratitude for all the blessings that are mine. I don't need to know what He has planned, just that He will take care of me and give me the information that I need when it is important.

My favorite scripture is Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

Magnetism

"I think magnetism is my favorite invisible force."
The Man with the Yellow Hat, Curious George

Commitment

Until one is committed
there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back,
always ineffectiveness.

Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation)
there is one elementary truth,
the ignorance of which kills countless ideas
and splendid plans:
that the moment one definitely commits oneself,
then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
that would otherwise never have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
raising in one's favor all manner
of unforseen incidents and meetings
and material assistance,
which no man could have dreamt
would have come his way.
I have learned a deep respect
for one of Goethe's couplets:

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can . . . begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

W.N. Murray
The Scottish Himalayan Expedition


I found this in my journal from my freshman year of college. I thought it was fantastic. I have always kept excellent journals, and though some of it is rather embarrassing, I really enjoy looking back to all the eras of my life to re-live and glean from my past forgotten gems like this one.

The Wisdom of Satchel Paige

"Ain't no man can avoid being born average, but there ain't no man got to be common."

More great Satchel Paige Quotes.

Around the world in 30 minutes.

One of the things I've really enjoyed doing lately is visiting the Daily Photo blogs from around the world. It's like a world tour, an amazing array of culture, sites and scenery that for the most part I'm fairly sure I'll not have the chance to visit personally in my natural life. I love it. It is refreshing. After a little virtual jaunt, I feel like I've really left the building even when in truth the most adventure I've had during the day was walking through the grass on the way to the mailbox. I especially love the photos of Portugal - where I served my mission - and Japan - where I lived with my family for a year as a young girl. My eyes have been opened to other parts of the world that I'd love to explore, as well. If I ever do have a chance to travel, I'll be much better informed and will probably have an excellent idea of what I'd like to see. It's a big world out there.
More than just sightseeing, joining the Daily Photo community has been a very positive experience for me, as well. I've made some friends, and everyone can use more friends - especially far away, never would have met you any other way friends. It also gives me a reason to keep an eye out for things I'd like to photograph. I'm naturally interested in Architecture, and have really enjoyed photography trips downtown. I think about things in new ways, as possible subjects for photography rather than just a nice building. I love floral photography as well, and I've really been enjoying the tulips lately. Photography is a natural outlet for a designer. I love composing photographs, it's one of my favorite things to do. It's just been plain great.
So, if you have a chance, visit the Daily Photo Portal - where all of the thumbnails are gathered each day. It changed my life in a little way that has meant a lot. Here's to new experiences!