No Small Miracles Need Apply.

First, the words to 'How firm a foundation':

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In every condition, -- in sickness, in health,
In poverty's vale, or abounding in wealth,
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea, --
The Lord, the Almighty, they strength e'er shall be.

"Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

"E'en down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never, forsake!"

Text: Isaiah 43:1-7
Author: "Keen",1787, alt
Composer: Bernhard Schumacher, 1931
Tune: "Firm Foundation"

This has always been one of my favorite hymns. My sister spoke about it in church on Sunday, very eloquently. The children were quiet enough during the meeting that I was able to reflect upon all the ways my own prayers have been answered through this particular hymn's words. It is especially applicable in my life right now. The Lord has sustained me through the deep waters, through the fiery trials, and caused me to stand. That is not to say that I believe those trials are finished or that the waters have receded - simply that I can see His hand at work and I am amazed.

To fully tell the story of the day, I need to go back to March. There was a contest I felt compelled to enter. I'm not sure why - I simply felt that I should put together an entry. It was: Three Scrapbook Pages, Five Cards and Two three dimensional items. It took nearly ten days working almost non stop. I fed and bathed the children, but generally let them run amok during that time. The house and I were a complete disaster. It took longer than I imagined, including a few very late nights - or should I say early early mornings. The entire time, I was compelled. For some reason I didn't understand, I knew I had to do it. I had to finish it.

So, fast forward to a month ago. The company I sent the contest entry to is quite near my home, about 10 minutes. I have a few acquaintances working there, one of them with considerable responsibility. She called me near the end of August to let me know that there was a job on the company's website that she thought I should consider applying for. I hadn't been checking the site for postings lately, but it had been one of my first choices when I was looking for a job. I was stunned and I thanked her profusely. 

The job looked quite involved, but appeared to be something that I could handle. When I got to the bottom of the listing there was a note. Samples of personal work would be part of the application:  Two Scrapbook Pages, Five Cards and Three three dimensional items. All due September 30th. At first I thought, "There is just no way I could get this done. Look what it took last time, and I am now working full time, to boot. Then this little voice reminded me that I had done it before - and I could do it again." A little time goes by with me too petrified to even begin - until I get to those last 10 days. I felt very inspired when I did the entry. This time the work just flowed. I started and finished project after project. I never wasted any time on 'not knowing what to do next. When I got stuck, I'd move back and forth between the remaining projects. 

During the ten days, most often I went to bed at regular time without setting foot in my work area. One night I was up until Eleven, once until midnight. I was exhausted already and the most I could do was tend to my children. I would say to myself, "I am not going to put more energy into this than I can afford. I have to be smart. If I finish, I finish. My health and children are more important." Monday night, I had started two scrapbook pages and had an idea what I'd do for the 3D projects. It was my first night with the kids in a long time, though and I wanted the time for them. We had family home evening - and when we were done, the house was clean and we had read scriptures, prayed, and played Wii for about an hour. We had a great time together. I knew I made the right choice. Tuesday, September 30th was a day off from work for me, and I woke up early and worked for about an hour before the kids needed to get up for school. It was a miracle day. My mother took my youngest about Eleven so that I could finish up. It was the only time I needed extra help (also different from March). The pages came together quickly and I was very pleased with them. Things seemed to come together in miraculous ways, especially when I was doing small processes that needed to be exact. Normally, I'd need to make try after try to get it just right, but on Tuesday - it was just 'right'.

I realized that I had already done some good 3D work for the classes I taught in the Granite School District this year. I framed one of them (I just happened to have the right frame on hand) and that left two pieces with 3 hours to work. Part of that time was absorbed my children, getting them home from school, refereeing squabbles, etc. At about 15 minutes to 5 p.m. I placed the rest of my projects in the box and headed out. My seven year old daughter E came with me - she thought because I wanted the company, which is true, but I thought she would be safer where her whining wouldn't be considered a capital offense. ) Twelve year old brothers really hate little girls' whining.

About three minutes from home I had a sinking feeling. I had left my smallest 3D project at home on my desk. I knew that I wouldn't get there in time if I turned back, so I forged ahead. Upon arriving with stress dripping from my fingers, I explained my predicament. The ladies at the front desk sweetly suggested that I could bring the piece for the night watchman, and he could place it on the front desk. I told them I lived a little more than 10 minutes away, and could be back within half an hour. One of the women said she'd still be there - and so my race was on, again. When I brought the little box in, she smiled. She placed it in the box and said, "You made it." 

Thinking back on that moment is really ethereal for me. She couldn't know this whole story, but there is someone who knew. It is as though I can hear a voice echoing in the heavens, "You made it." It means so much to me. It was no small miracle. My children and I were better cared for this time around. My house was cleaner. I was calm while I worked, and happy with the results. (You can see photos now HERE.)

Here's the best part. I have no idea what this is all about. Like with Tai-Pan, it could be simply an exercise. I may not hear from them at all, and that is okay. As miraculous as this story is to me, there are things at work and with Scentsy that have been just as amazing. (I truly mean that. He is causing me to stand.) I'm willing to take on the challenges the Lord sends my way. I grow and learn from them. I don't need them to mean anything. If they do, I will be grateful at the way He is directing my life - the same as I already am. I will just keep being grateful.

Happy

A number of people have told me that I look happier lately. Many of them were very surprised at how happy I looked. Yesterday, my sister told me that she sees a difference in my home, too. Not that it was ever "dirty", but things just seem to be more in place than they have been in the last couple of years.

It isn't so much that I've spent a ton of time on myself, or cleaning the house (although I did clean on Saturday night). I realized that, although I wasn't a complete mess and I still enjoyed life - I was carrying some intense and excruciating burdens over the last couple of years and it showed in my countenance and in my home. Those burdens are gone now. I still have burdens, but they are new burdens. They are heavy but they don't feel so overwhelming. I am happy. I had been surviving emotionally day to day for a long time. Finally, I have come to a place where I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. It's not that anything big has changed in the last month or so, I'm just at peace. I have turned control over to the Lord. I feel healthier emotionally. I'm not worried for the future or even trying to figure out what He has in mind. I don't waste much time on those things. I don't have it to waste. I have better things to do. 

No from Tai-Pan.

It's a little weird, considering how well my interviews went. I'm wondering if they are trying to see where I'd fit in another way because they talked about so many ways they'd like to use me. I'm not really concerned about it.
When you accept that the Lord is in charge, it is easier to let go of things like this. Most of my contentedness at this juncture is wrapped up in the faith I have in Christ. I don't know what he has in store for me. I know that the turns life has taken lately have been huge. I hope that I can stay close enough to the Spirit to maintain some balance. There are so many things moving in my life, almost all of which I have no control over. Some of the things I thought were rock solid seem like quicksand to me now. I have to let go of things that aren't helping me do the work I need to do. A lot of that work is mental. I've had to clear out room in some of my emotional storage bins, too.
Life is just crazy, isn't it? I married Dan 15 years ago, and assumed that part of life was settled. Now, he watches our children while I'm at work, and I'm his Scentsy lady. Our relationship has changed a lot. It's okay. Most of the time, it's good. The kids have good days and bad days, which really is pretty normal. Major breakdowns are getting less common. We are all growing a lot.
Right now, I think it's high time I get to bed. I will enjoy sleeping in tomorrow and just doing some plain old household chores. In the afternoon, I'll be doing a Scentsy Party, which will be fun. It is in my own neighborhood, and many of my friends will be there. It will feel like time to myself in many ways.
Here's to friends, to growth, to trusting in the Lord with all our hearts.

What year do you belong in?

You Belong in 1953

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Update.

I haven't heard anything on the job yet, I just wanted to let you know.

My birthday was full of ups and downs. I had a long nap with A in the afternoon, after a morning of errands completed to a seemingly full orchestra a whining and complaining. By the time we got home, I wasn't feeling well at all. I gave up on all the grand plans I had for my birthday and hence the nap. When I woke up, T was offering to make dinner and I readily accepted his plan. That was a wonderful turn of events. By the time we were eating, my extended family was starting to arrive for the party. The children played and the adults chatted. We had cake and ice cream. It was fun. My family loves me. As alone as I feel sometimes, I know that I am far better supported than anyone I've ever known who has gone through a divorce. I've made it through the anniversary and my birthday. School will be in full swing, with all of the school children in class on Monday. I'm glad that we've had such a leisurely pace getting everything organized. E has started Orchestra and really enjoys "her violin". T believes that Jr. High was a gift from above. Q in all over kindergarten and C will be glad to get back to his friends - home is boring.

Personally, I have never been under more stress or pressure. There are cracks on the surface of my life. My lawn needs to be mowed and the laundry needs to be folded, but for the most part, we are doing well. (I mean, those are the kinds of things that anyone can say, right?) We are surviving. Sometimes, it feels better than surviving and sometimes it feels like I'm going down waving my white flag. Honestly, though, those times are few. Although I know we'll be having more of them as we get all of the details of the divorce worked out, I'm hopeful that as this hammering phase comes to an end we will be able to have more peace in our lives. At any rate, today I feel good. I really felt like getting to my work this morning, which is a good sign. After the cake and ice cream last night, my stomach is a little achey this morning, but that's about it. I'm okay.