These Days

Life has been so crazy and packed lately, I hardly know when I'm coming or going, but I know I've been blessed. (And Thank Heaven at least I know that, right?)

I had a dream last week in which I was panicking about not having done my math homework. When I woke up, I realized that I wasn't enrolled in a math class at the moment. Boy was I glad not to be enrolled, and behind, in a math class. . . but it got me thinking. I need to get into quite a few classes, and I need to get moving with a nursing program if I hope to be working as a nurse anytime soon. I did very well in my CNA course, and loved it. It's like I finally realized what cloth I'm made of, and what it should be made INTO! Took me long enough, but then, I could have missed it altogether. That is one of the blessings of my divorce. It forced me out of a comfort zone and into a place where I had to make choices and changes. As I have embraced that, I have learned so much about myself. . . many of those things I would never have guessed, but they will forever enrich my life.

As I contemplated the need for a nursing program, as often is the case, a friend popped in and made a suggestion. I followed up on it, and was intrigued. It was the best fit so far with what I have already done, and what I would need to do (in terms of a time frame) to get into a nursing career. I'm quite excited about what I have learned to this point, and I think tomorrow I'll sign up for an independent study math course. For the program I'm considering, I only need to have an Intermediate Algebra course within the last year to start, rather than College Algebra. Let's face it, the days when I could whip Calculus questions are long behind me (like more than 20 years)! I have a great deal of backing up and refreshing to do where math is concerned. I can do that course, and then more easily move on the the College Algebra when I've completed it. So. . . very soon, I may have some math homework to do, but I think it will be a much more natural progression. It feels great! Just having the bare bones of a plan feels wonderfully great, but starting to fill in some of the blanks and answer some of the questions feels even better.

So yes, life is crazy and packed, but it is good. . . and moving forward.

Fashion

Friends, I have seen "Spring's Top 5" on Nordstrom.com. I am afraid. I am very afraid. I'm up for a blue bag. The caged shoes I can do without. (Seriously.) Patterned skirts . . . WITH patterned TOPS?!

Oh well. I guess this is the point at which I say, I am most decidedly UN-hip. Thankfully, I think I'll always be acceptable in the "classics". . . and plaid is in. I can do the plaid thing! There may be some hope for me after all!

Swimming

I've got a little boy - well three little boys and two little girls to be exact, but tonight I'm mostly concerned with Q, my six year old son. His emotions swing in incredible ways, and baffle the adults charged to care for him. We cannot predict who we'll meet in the morning, a bright eyed loving first grader, or the one who will under no circumstances be tamed. This morning was an uncooperative morning. He didn't want to go to school, and there was no way we were going to talk him into it. Coaxing gently us generally the best method, and I am referring to a lot of tender loving care, not just a soft voice. In an hour, I had managed to move him to the idea of dressing, but I was exhausted emotionally. Mental and Emotional Gymnastics at their most strenuous, at least to me. I love him, dearly though - even in his crazy moments he is an amazingly loving person. He didn't want to go to school because he wanted to stay with me. He had missed me while I had been working. He just wanted to stay with Mama. When I get serious with him, he tries to act like he's afraid, but I know I'm not THAT serious. I didn't yell at him, but I was firm. He did get dressed, because I dressed him. We made it to school finally and once there, he hoped out of the care and went on his way, waving goodbye as though the previous hour was nothing. It leaves me a bit lost however, wondering how to focus his emotion in positive ways.

So, today after school, all five of the kids and I went swimming, and I remembered something important that I had forgotten. (Silly ME!) That child hit the water and immediately started to freestyle: Full Bore, as hard as he could, crossing the pool with relative ease. He jumped up on the other side with a big smile - and of course I was smiling right back at him. The boy is a FISH - let me say that one more time - F. I. S. H.

It was as though someone had put my head inside the Liberty Bell and started to hammer on it for all they were worth. Swimming Lessons. The boy needs swimming lessons. Soon. As often as and for as long as possible. He needs something to focus on, wipe him out, and LOVE. It reminded me that at about his age, I too had been let loose in a pool and adored every single second. I could feel his exhilaration. Everyone needs something to identify with and love, and feel very hopeful that this could be something that will bring him joy through his entire life, as it has for me.