It is now 12:00 a.m. on the dot. (I know when I post this, it won't read that way, but it was when I started.) It's really more than that, however. It's the first day in a new ERA in my life. My children are spending the weekend with their father, at his home. We will go on this way the rest of our lives - or at least until they are grown. This is the new "normal". This is what we agreed to in our divorce. It's not what my heart wanted, but I think it was the best solution available to us. I can accept it, and move forward with my life. I will give them my best and a full share of my love for the gospel whenever they are with me. I will pray that they will remember my words and testimony when they are away from me. I will pray that they recognize the presence of the Holy Ghost in my home. I will do my best to make Him, and Our Savior welcome at all times. We need Him to strive with us. I will be faithful. I will be the example that they need.
The thing about these temporal changes is that there are somethings that will NEVER change as long as I remain faithful to my covenants. I know it is probably normal, when a spouse leaves the Church and a Temple Marriage, to feel that it was all for naught. I don't, however, feel that way. I feel supremely blessed to have those promises, to know that no matter what happens here, temporally, MY CHILDREN ARE MINE. It means the world to me to know that my covenants are intact and whole, unbroken and uncompromised. I can imagine that without that, I might feel a much greater despair right now. I might feel completely lost. I feel a little sad, but I am not lost because WE are not lost. The wedding photo still hangs in our hallway, with the temple behind us. It reminds me everyday of the promises I made, and have kept. I love those promises, and cherish the comfort they give me in knowing that far beyond the aches of my temporal heart, forever and forever, these five beautiful souls are bound to me. MY CHILDREN ARE MINE.
3 comments:
Dear Abby,
when one door closes another opens. I hope this new era in your life brings you joy and happiness as you feel the Saviors love for you and your children.
I have always remebered something that Miriams Mom told me when I was pretty young, having been divorced after a temple marriage, she said that she had kept her covenants and as such she expected every blessing promised to her. She knew that the decisions her husband had made in his life would not keep her from the blessings and the happiness she deserved. I don't think I understood then, I don't even know if I was 12 yet, but I know you, and I know you have the same faith and will receive all the blessings and joy and help that our Father and our Savior can pour out onto you and your family.
I found your blog today from a link on someone else's and I wanted to say I really appreciate your beautiful words, written in a difficult situation.
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