U2's "Yahweh"

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don't make a fist
Take this mouth
So quick to criticise
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

Dark Chocolate Dove Speaks.

This is what my wrapper said:

"Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness."

I thought that was a pretty good one.

Be Still My Soul.

It will get easier, this path I'm taking. In the meantime, there is a beautiful song that the Holy Ghost can use to comfort me deeply. I am so grateful for this blessing. It came just at the right time today, when I needed to know that Heavenly Father was aware of me, struggling.

Here are the words:

Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Here is David Archuleta singing the song:

A New Day.

It is now 12:00 a.m. on the dot. (I know when I post this, it won't read that way, but it was when I started.) It's really more than that, however. It's the first day in a new ERA in my life. My children are spending the weekend with their father, at his home. We will go on this way the rest of our lives - or at least until they are grown. This is the new "normal". This is what we agreed to in our divorce. It's not what my heart wanted, but I think it was the best solution available to us. I can accept it, and move forward with my life. I will give them my best and a full share of my love for the gospel whenever they are with me. I will pray that they will remember my words and testimony when they are away from me. I will pray that they recognize the presence of the Holy Ghost in my home. I will do my best to make Him, and Our Savior welcome at all times. We need Him to strive with us. I will be faithful. I will be the example that they need.
The thing about these temporal changes is that there are somethings that will NEVER change as long as I remain faithful to my covenants. I know it is probably normal, when a spouse leaves the Church and a Temple Marriage, to feel that it was all for naught. I don't, however, feel that way. I feel supremely blessed to have those promises, to know that no matter what happens here, temporally, MY CHILDREN ARE MINE. It means the world to me to know that my covenants are intact and whole, unbroken and uncompromised. I can imagine that without that, I might feel a much greater despair right now. I might feel completely lost. I feel a little sad, but I am not lost because WE are not lost. The wedding photo still hangs in our hallway, with the temple behind us. It reminds me everyday of the promises I made, and have kept. I love those promises, and cherish the comfort they give me in knowing that far beyond the aches of my temporal heart, forever and forever, these five beautiful souls are bound to me. MY CHILDREN ARE MINE.

Surprise.

I was in Junior High again this morning. I hadn't anticipated being there when all of the kids were milling through the halls but my meeting went longer than I anticipated. As I was exiting the building, with early teens on all sides, I was forced to grapple with something I've not dealt with in a LONG time.
I'm short!
I was even wearing the shoes that by default make me a little taller than I normally am. I was probably about eye level with a lot of the girls. . . but I was grossly outsized by most of the boys. I had this little feeling of panic, which REALLY surprised me. It's not that I felt insecure, or uncomfortable in my own skin - I'm good with those things. I have been at my current height for 27 years, which alone is twice the age of most of the kids in that building. I wasn't intimidated on an adult level. I love where I am as a person right now, even though this morning it meant meeting with the Vice Principal regarding my son's poor behavioral choices. (Another story for another time.)
What I realized is that a long time ago a young girl WAS intimidated by it all, and somewhere inside of me she is still alive and kicking. I had no idea, honestly. I've been in much more demanding social situations over the last 27 years. I spent 18 months as a missionary in a foreign country speaking with people about religion, in their language. I loved it. I enjoy public speaking - really enjoy it. I have never considered my adult self to be insecure, but that little girl is still there. What a surprise.