I'm very content in my current situation, I think I've mentioned that recently. Before, when I've heard people say "I'm in a really good place right now" I haven't truly known what they intended with those words. It was a worn phrase without much meaning. Now, however, I understand. I haven't previously experienced this kind of contentedness in my life. I'm a happy person, and I've always been grateful and felt blessed, but it's different now. It is such a fulfilling feeling, a little bit precarious since feelings like that rarely last. It has been sustainable, however; despite day to day struggles, it transcends. There is brain-strain and heart-strain in life all the time, of course. Work can be hectic and mind-bendingly challenging. The kids fight viciously sometimes. In this moment however I feel an over-arching peace, and that peace remains through all the rest.
I recognize the 'good place' primarily due to one huge hallmark, I don't feel that I'm missing anything or missing out on anything. I'm not anxious for something new to start. I'm not worried that I'll be alone or about being alone at all... I enjoy time by myself. I enjoy time with the kids and my family. I enjoy time at work, even with the mind-bending. I plan and I look forward to my time in all of these places and with all the people that fill my world. At home, I choose my tasks. I lead myself around and work on things. Last week it was the yard and garden. When I finished the tasks I'd chosen, I was thrilled with the progress and what a couple of days in my flower beds and vegetable garden could do. I love having my children work on things with me. The seeds we planted are beginning to sprout and I'm excited for the kids to see the growth. Growth brings me joy. At work, I feel appreciated by my peers. I feel a commeraderie I've missed in my life for quite a while. Another nurse said today, "I hope you never leave. If you leave or if so-and-so leaves, I'm leaving, too." I was flabbergasted because I look up to this particular nurse quite a lot. I told her how surprised I was to hear it and asked her why she felt that way. She said she knows I'll get things done, I'll take care of things and she can count on me: I'm so happy to have become 'that nurse'. Seeing the growth in myself is thrilling. And then there is 'my personal life'. Like I said before, I don't feel like I'm missing out. I'm not itching to meet anyone or go out to dinner or have a date. I'm itching to read The Lord of the Rings. I'm itching to craft and work on a project I have for my sisters' birthdays. I'm itching to plan the backyard and the rest of the basement. I love where I am and where I'm going.
I was thinking along these lines on the way home from work tonight. A thought came to me which felt revelatory. It was this: "I trust the Lord to provide and care for me. It would take a very Godly man to contribute to my life in such a way that I knew it would be better with him in it." That is the way I know I'm am in a very good place right now. A very good place.