I'd like to take this moment to thank the Garbage Man...

I awoke this morning to the sound of a garbage truck on the street outside. Yesterday was Christmas, but it was Friday which is our normal pick up day—so the garbage pick up was today. I had completely forgotten about pulling the cans to the curb. Panic set in, just a little bit anyway. I thought I might still have time to get them out and that they'd be picked up as he came back around. At least that's what I thought as I dressed hurriedly and ran out into the snow.

Yesterday was my first Christmas as a nurse. My children had been at their Dad's house for a week already. I volunteered to work on Christmas months ago, knowing I'd be home alone anyway.  When I did that I had no way to know what the schedule would actually say. I remember looking at it for the first time at the end of November thinking, My boss must be crazy. I was scheduled to work Christmas Eve Night shift from 6 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. and Christmas Day from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m. —7.5 whole hours off on Christmas day. My thoughts were confirmed as reality replaced the plan.

When I got to work Christmas Eve night, it started to snow. The shift was unremarkable and punctuated by sweetness. Like, for example, my favorite little man calling from his room at 2:30 a.m. so that he could be 'The first to wish you two beautiful girls a Merry Christmas.' It had been a good night. When the Day Nurse arrived, I was anxious about the snow I guess, knowing it was deep already and still coming down. We went through our routine and I was out the door on time, crawling home over a world blanketed white. When I arrived, it quickly became apparent that I wouldn't be able to get up the driveway. There was too much snow, and my wheels were spinning with even the small angle. I had to shovel off the driveway before I could pull into the garage, but finally made it in. When I did, I realized that my phone was buzzing. Then I realized that my pockets were heavy... I still had the keys, and sure enough it was the Day Nurse calling to tell me the same terrible truth. So, I got back into the car and headed back out onto the white frozen road. An hour later, I was home again. Exhausted. It was still snowing.

After a few hours of sleep, I peeked outside and realized that a good deal more snow had fallen and that a snow plow had pushed a mound of snow 18" high across the entire length of the end of my driveway. Another snow clearing would be necessary before I could go back to work. I got ready and headed out with my shovel. It was a feat, but I managed it and had just enough brute force left in me to get that pile at the end of the driveway pushed out of the way before climbing back into the car. I stopped on the way to have some Christmas lunch with my parents and a few of my sisters, by far the best part of the day. My mother is a wonderful cook. I felt their love, filled up on roast beef and mashed potatoes and my great grandmother's special salad and was off again. My father always buys a few pounds of See's candies to share with us girls. The work day was work. Needless to say, by the time I finished my Christmas Day shift, I was utterly spent. I pulled into the garage, grateful for not having to shovel the drive a third time. And that's honestly about all I was thinking about when I crawled into bed again, grateful that I could finally get some solid sleep.

It was about 9:30 when I heard that garbage truck, and I was unsure that I'd even be able to pull those garbage cans out from the side of the house. I was sore, and the mounds I'd created along the side of the drive were significant. I raced out however, knowing that we'd need the space in the cans for the coming week. As I was coming down the driveway with the can, the garbage truck stopped. I stopped, too. He motioned for me to bring the can across the street, and waited for me... so of course I did. After he had emptied the contents, he unrolled the window to let me know that he had already come down my side of the street, but he didn't want me to miss out. I was so grateful.

So, I'd just like to thank the Driver of the garbage truck. I did, of course, when he rolled down the window to talk to me. There wasn't time to tell him how truly much it meant to me, but it was very meaningful to me, to be seen and have that small need noticed. He didn't know about the days I'd had recently or how tired I was. He didn't have to stop for me: His work was done on my side of the street. But, he did stop and wait and make sure I was taken care of. I hope to take a little of that Spirit and Example forward with me through the rest of the month and into the coming year. Those small things mean a lot to one who's struggling. I hope I can be aware enough to see them and try to make the difference for those around me.

Merry Christmas! (You're Welcome.)

Sissel with The Mormon Tabernacle Choir: In the Bleak Midwinter

Five Years

Five years ago, I wrote this: Where will you be five years from today?

And now, it's been a little longer than five years but I am here to report on my progress.

I graduated from the University of Utah with my BSN in August of 2014. I have been working as a nurse for a year now. My brain now functions in completely new and different realms; I understand the human body and it's functioning. I can watch over vulnerable, fragile life. I can make a difference for them. It has taken that year-plus since graduation to really feel that I understand what I'm doing, but now I DO! I am a nurse.
It is surreal, most days, to look back and realize where I've been and what I've accomplished with a great deal of heavenly and earthly help. What started as a well conceived but not even partially understood goal has gone from seed to flower and is now my life. I am so grateful to have the opportunities that I do, to go where I go for work and do the things I do. What I knew five years ago was that I hadn't stretched quite enough. I hadn't pushed my potential. I knew I wanted more from my life, my brain and my soul. Even better, five years ago, I didn't know any of the hows yet, just that I wanted a Bachelors of Nursing Science. I had begun to consider where I could seek the education I needed but it was another full year before I sorted through the possibilities and applied. Honestly, there was some desperate prayer, some answers and some inspiriation, which led to a few small steps, and then others and finally I was on a road. Six months after starting the applications, I started classes and 27 months of straight schooling after that, I graduated.
Now, finally, I've started to integrate the early parts of me back in. My five year old post was pretty grandiose. Goals in so many areas, that was the answer. These were the areas. I'll take stock of what's happened in them.

Spiritual—My education was a gift to my Spiritual self. As I considered the unknowable depths of the intricacies of the human body, the depth of my reverence for my Creator deepened. I sobbed in Anatomy as I learned about the structure of bones. (Honestly.) I took my first Pharmacology exam 3 days after under-going surgery, and had the highest score in the class... knowing full well that my mind had been quickened far beyond my natural ability. I saw the hand of God in my life time after time and I understood that in walking that road I was doing his will and his work. It was a beautiful time. Now, I feel opportunities daily to reach out in comfort and compassion, and they are the best parts of my day.

Family—My children and I have made a number of transitions and recently moved back into our original home. One has graduated and is working full time in a field he enjoys and the rest are doing well in school, thriving. We've all grown. They are proud of their Mama. I am proud of them. We are stronger, still learning about ourselves and what we are made of. We are enjoying being 'home'.

Career—Nursing has begun in me. There is a lot more I'd like to do, but there is much I can do, already. I found a niche I think, a good place for me, which has allowed me to learn about a broad range of things, quickly. 

Health—I could be much healthier... mostly because I know all the things I'm up against now. This is one area which will need some focused goals if I'm going to be able to keep growing in my career and education areas.

Financial—Oh, ok. Well that just makes me laugh. Let's just call this my opportunity area, shall we? 

Education—See the beginning of the post... But for future goals, I'd like to complete a Doctorate.

Recreation—Goals for recreation. Hmmm. We went Ice Skating? We watched movies, mostly on Netflix or Redbox. Sometimes in theaters. I think photography, sewing and hobbies would fit here... Those have started to sprout again and I'm thrilled to see where some of my ideas are going to take me. It's wonderful to begin to unearth the fun parts of me.

Charitable—I give to local charities and tithe. I have started a Non-Profit Organization to benefit families affected by cancer, and hope to be able to dedicate more time to developing that in the future.

Adventure—For me, adventure lately has been in writing... I have a novel in my head which has been piecing itself together for a while. It's starting to become a more cohesive, understood commodity and I'm getting ready to pour some love and time into it. It's also my therapy.

Travel—We went to a cabin by a lake every year with my parents, sisters and thier families. I went on a carribbean cruise. I took my children on a little trip two summers ago. We need a vacation. I still want to go to the beach. I still want to go back to Jackson.

Romance—The grand failure in the last five years has been romance, for me. Not that I didn't try, just that the romances failed. The most promising wove through about the last three years. We got married last almost exactly a year ago. It seemed to be an amazing fit while we were dating. He loved my children, they loved him, we all loved each other and so after over a year dating we decided to give it a permanent go... What neither of us understood was that he was struggling with emotional demons which would tear us apart. It was at it's core an attachement disorder and the short of it was, he couldn't bond and coudn't trust. He has moved on, we are picking up the pieces now.

Relationships—I have new friends and old friends. I have wonderful neighbors who've made this holiday season unreasonably beautiful for me. Relationships is a lovely garden in my life, one I hope to cultivate with more care and love.

So, this is my report. I'm glad I finally figured out how to log into my blogs again... It might take me all night to catch up with my former self but it will be worth it.