There is going to be stream of consciousness thought here. Run now if you hate that kind of thing.
So much in life is unknowable. . . until we know. The future, for instance—until it arrives with the answers we are waiting for, we simply cannot know what it will be. We have hunches, ideas and desires for the future, but we don't know when we will become ill or when there will be accidents. We can prepare for things and work to avoid negative consequences but we don't always see difficulties coming. At times we don't even see them coming when they are as plain and as noisy as a Mack Truck headed for our front door. We look away, we ignore and then we pay the price; we learn, we grow & we find ourselves smiling again in time.
For so long I've been floating, sometimes with an obvious current giving me direction and sometimes with nothing but the feeling that I simply should not panic. . . that floating as a means of survival was doing more than 'fine'. You know they actually teach the survival float in Red Cross water safety training right? Here's something I wrote about this a while back:
I've been teaching my children to float when we go to the pool. It is the first rule of water safety. Panic is your aquatic enemy. You must relax completely and be absolutely still. It occurs to me that in life, as well, thrashing around and panicking in a sea of stress is wasted energy, and possibly even emotionally lethal. We are often told to "Be Still." At times like this, even when there is literally a SEA of stress that seems as if it would swallow me whole, quiet faith calls for that stillness. Experience has taught me to follow my heart, and allow the greater powers of the universe to guide my life.
One of the things I found while I was floating, which I feel is aligned perfectly with this mindset, is this little guide (The Woman's Book of Confidence by Sue Patton Thoele):
Understand and Honor Needs
Have Realistic Expectations
Ask for Help
Abolish Guilt
Here's what I think most of us do, most of the time:
Ignore and Discredit Needs
Nurse Unrealistic Expectations
Insist on Self-Reliance
Hoard Guilt
I think that for the most part, most of this do these things to Ourselves without even a second thought to the emotional impact it has on us:
We pretend that we have no needs. We pretend that we have no desires. We pretend that we are inert objects made for the purpose of loving and protecting children and family. . . and WAIT! It gets even better. . . We actually feel GUILTY about any needs or desires that we have. We DO! Don't we!
We push ourselves to do more with less until we are doing everything with nothing and wonder why we "feel" empty. Hmmm. . . Really?!? Yes! Because we ARE empty.
We judge our weaknesses against the strengths of others, convincing ourselves that we are less-than if we can't achieve the same things they can. . . and they are probably doing the same thing looking at our strengths. . . the mutual self-depreciation society.
We refuse to lean on others, family and friends, ANYONE. . . we tell ourselves that no one will understand, we convince ourselves that we are alone in our struggles. . .which is the actual reason that we ARE alone.
We feel guilty about things like not perfectly following every regimen that will lead to optimal health, for heaven's sake—as if 'good' health wasn't nearly enough. . . or even more ridiculous— we feel guilty for being absolutely NORMAL because that photo-shopped photo on the cover of that Magazine shows a mother of three with more muscle definition than AhNold.
What's wrong with this picture? A lot. I'm pretty sure that most of us can identify with at least one of these statements. Well, it's time to break free. Wherever that garbage comes from, that's all it is. Garbage. . . and it's high time we take the Garbage OUT!
Ponder the meaning of Understanding and Honoring Needs. This goes far beyond simple selfishness. This is an acknowledgement of our HUMANITY for heaven's sake. We are human. We have needs. We do ourselves a great disservice in pretending that we can go on forever without filling our own reservoir. We need to take time to appreciate and nurture the tender soul within ourselves, not just the souls of those around us.
Accept the Peace of Realistic Expectations. Enough SAID!
Support groups aren't just for therapy. Don't isolate yourself. WE MUST surround ourselves with friends who love us and appreciate us for who we are. WE MUST build a network of people that we can trust with our true selves, who will not judge us, who will give us sound advice and guidance, and who will lend us strength. WE MUST determine who we can count on, and then turn to them when we need them.
LET IT GO! We are not perfect. No one needs to be told that they are not perfect, but everyone needs to be taught to give themselves permission NOT to be perfect. Feeling guilty about not being perfect is the MOST wasted energy in the universe. We need to take things a day at a time. We need to listen to ourselves, take note (in a kindly self-sustaining way) of areas in which we'd like to improve, making no demands. Instead of using guilt as the motivator, we can put that energy into ourselves instead.
The prize? Happiness. Wholeness. Peacefulness.
Keep your eye on that and take OUT the trash that keeps you from it.
