As I promised, here is the story I have been wanting to tell.
For about a week, I was a little bit obsessed with creating a love song playlist. I didn’t have any really specific purpose in mind, but I
wanted to do it, and later I felt I
needed to do it. I didn’t understand why - but I knew it was important. The more I worked on it, the more I wanted the songs to reflect my love for my children, although romantic love is still well represented. I looked for songs about strong, healthy, loving relationships. I enjoyed putting it together. I kept hearing songs on the radio that I knew I wanted. For a while that happened every time I listened, and I was able to find the ones I didn't have on iTunes. The majority of the songs I wanted to include, I already owned. I had it pretty well “finished” on Friday night. I hope that we never loose this playlist. I think that the list will keep expanding over time. E has already made her own suggestions, and I’m sure the others will, too.
We were pretty lazy on Saturday morning. I could tell that the little ones especially needed my time and affection. We read books in bed and snuggled. I had E turn on the love song playlist and we listened to some of the songs over and over. It has been a long time since they have seemed so happy and carefree. I wanted to get some cleaning done that morning, which isn’t easy to do with little people needing you, so I tried to make it as fun as possible. We had more fun than we actually cleaned, but my room ( which was the most important area to me) got picked up. I inserted a song for us to dance to in between each chore, which was fun by itself. Then I thought of giving each child some personal time to dance with me. They were so excited. I was actually a little surprised to see how much they enjoyed it. I am sure that it will be a part of our future. It is a way to give each of the little ones some personal time without leaving the comfort of our home. Just what we all need.
Broken Wings by Mister Mister came on, and it was A’s turn. She
knew it was her turn and she started to beg me to pick her up and dance with her, so I did. She snuggled up with her head on my shoulder and we danced a sweet slow song.
As we were dancing, I realized that I had been there before, in a dream.
That is not uncommon for me, but this particular realization brought tears to my eyes. I had the dream more than three years ago and had found it quite unsettling. The first thing that happened was that D brought a baby to me, all wrapped up in blankets, and very tiny. We visited with friends for a while, then I went home but D didn’t come with me. He never did return to the house. I saw him with friends and once coming out of a door that seemed to be in a tree. I know it’s odd, but that was the dream. I just knew that he was not with us.
At home, there was a storm, and the wind was howling. I realized, looking around, that my home was very poorly constructed. The walls were just boards nailed to the frame. There were large gaps between some of the boards. Everything literally seemed to be shaking as though it would crumble to pieces at any moment. It was complete chaos. I was running here and there, trying to get things settled down, but it seemed hopeless. At that point, I came into the family room and found a number of people there, including some soldiers. Music was playing. A girl came to me and wanted to dance. She was young, and taller than I was. She was simply dressed, but beautiful. For a moment, I wondered who she was. As the music played and everyone danced, the storm seemed to calm. We had survived. When I woke up, I realized that the girl in my dream was my unborn child, my fifth child, a girl.
As I was dancing with A on that Saturday, the recognition of the significance of that moment flowed over me very forcefully. I understood that we had, indeed, survived the storm. D was gone, and the house had seemed to shake as though our entire existence would be destroyed. Although many things had changed in our lives however, we were still there together just like we had been in my dream; my children and I, loving each other. Even though the dream was unsettling to me at the time, for good reason, the fact that the Lord would give me such a gift was overwhelming. He had prepared me in many ways for the changes which He knew would come into my life over the next few years. It was wonderful just to bask in that feeling of comfort and completion. There is still a great deal left to be accomplished, but I know in whom I have trusted. He has brought me through the greatest of difficulties, and I know that His promises are sure.
