Just a little update.

Tomorrow will be the fourth day of school, and so far everything is going very well. The fact that August starts on Friday is more than just a bit overwhelming to me. I can hardly believe that time is going so fast. I just can't. They say that time flies when you are having fun, so I must be having an absolute BLAST! I' m making some good headway getting  things organized in the house. I swear Angels must be helping out because things just don't happen like this in my life. Usually, it takes me so long just to pull one project together it's almost scary to even think about thinking about starting something. That's the way life is with many children needing my attention and assistance in a constant and urgent manner. I know that I've been very blessed. Things have come together in such a way that I've been able to complete in days what in my past life (pre-full time job) might have taken weeks to pull together. (I'm not even slightly joking.) Everyone has been in the right place at the right time. I had the boys settled in their new bedrooms, and E comfortable in her new room, by the time school started. That just doesn't happen for me. It feels like I'm living someone else's life - but I'm so glad it's mine!

The kids are doing well. It is such a relief. I know that there will still be hard days and moments when they just seem to be overwhelmed by all that has happened. Truthfully though, the drama around here has subsided in a very obvious way. They have questions and I do my best to help them understand. The calm is still interrupted by a noisy tantrum once in a while, but over all, it has been great. I'm so glad that the timing of everything came together. It was SO out of our hands, but worked out exactly as I had felt that we needed it to. The kids were able to adjust a bit to D living elsewhere before school started. It is hard for them to have me working, but D is here whenever he can be at night and my parents have been loving them in the day. They are incredibly loved, and I think that they know that. They seem stable and calm, which under the circumstances is just a miracle. I couldn't be more grateful for this place in our lives and how much better than worst case scenario it has been. 

A funny Q-ism.

Tonight when D was here, Q convinced him to watch a movie. When his Dad agreed, Q declared, "Mission Concomplished."

I loved that. It was the best part of the day.

Fill the world with Love.

This is from the musical, "Goodbye, Mr. Chips"
I think the song is very inspiring. I want to hang the words somewhere in my home to remind me
to be brave
and strong
and true
and to fill the world with love my whole life through.
I think these things are the key to happiness.

Without further ado, the words to the song. . .

In the morning of my life I shall look to the sunrise.
At a moment in my life when the world is new.
And the blessing I shall ask is that God will grant me,
To be brave
and strong
and true,
And to fill the world with love my whole life through.

And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love my whole life through.

In the noontime of my life I shall look to the sunshine,
At a moment in my life when the sky is blue.
And the blessing I shall ask shall remain unchanging.
To be brave
and strong
and true,
And to fill the world with love my whole life through.

And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love
And to fill the world with love my whole life through.

In the evening of my life I shall look to the sunset,
At a moment in my life when the night is due.
And the question I shall ask only I can answer.
Was I brave
and strong
and true?
Did I fill the world with love my whole life through?

Did I fill the world with love
Did I fill the world with love
Did I fill the world with love my whole life through?

Update.

Well, we measured to see if both beds would fit in the new bedroom. We got all of the things off of the desk in the new bedroom and almost moved the computer. We pulled weeds in the yard and did a couple of loads of laundry. We moved the clean laundry out to the family room to be folded. We ate two meals. I wrote in my journal, downloaded a song from iTunes, got dressed and got everyone else dressed. These things are of course in no particular order. Q had a bloody nose in his sleep. That left a big mess on all of the bedding, so I spent some time cleaning that up. (Shampoo scrubbed in well, then rinsed with cold or warm water. It was a miracle and the bedding was saved.) About 5 p.m. I got together my errands and called my friends one more time.  We took care of things and then went to IKEA to eat and got a few things for the boys' rooms. I think that IKEA was the only thing on the list that actually happened - and that due to the fact that Q was adamant about his meatballs, french fries, and sauce. We HAD to go. Most of my list is still there waiting for another day and that's just fine. There had to be a few difficulties, but working them out was important - just as important as the task themselves. I recognize our need for scripture study and prayers. Those things just cannot be put off. They are so important to how things "feel" around here. I think it actually makes "the" difference between okay, good and great days. We all need that little extra calm the Spirit brings and that's the best way to get it. Now, it's time for bed, because T really is motivated to get the beds moved upstairs tomorrow. I told him that until all of his things are out of that room, C is sleeping upstairs because I'm not going to have him left in a mess. I thought that was some of the best reasoning I've ever come up with - and T agreed. He really wants his own space. I'm glad that we can do that for him. In the meantime, a little unselfishness is in order until we can get things worked out and situated. It all takes time and energy. Those are the two things that I have completely run out of right now.

Goodnight.

Of Princess, Stink Rocks and Self-Inflating Whoopee Cushions.

This is my first day off in 10 days. Hallelujah for that! I woke up and thought, "What do I need to do this morning? . . . That's right, NOTHING!" I lounged happily in bed and relished the time to play with my little ones. My little A has a new thing, which I discovered immediately. I called her by name and she said, "I not A, I Princess." Knowing A - the change in her name was inevitable. She is a Princess in only the most positive of ways and it will be my great pleasure to adhere to her wishes.

The second joy of the morning was Q and the Self-Inflating Whoopee Cushion that C brought home from Cub Scout Camp yesterday. Ingenious! All the fun and none of the work. Q was having such a great time playing with it, he nearly brought me to tears I was laughing so hard. It's great to see a little boy relax and work out some of the craziness of his world. Heaven knows he's had his share of craziness lately.

Finally it was time to get some breakfast, so I headed for the kitchen where another gem from Cub Scout Camp was introduced. Stink Rocks. In case you are unfamiliar with this brand of fun, I will explain. There are two round marble sized "rocks" which you click or scratch together to create a spark which releases some smoke - which although not completely foul is not especially pleasant in odor, either. Stink Rocks. Thankfully, of their own volition they gathered in the garage to for the entertainment - leaving the kitchen a stink free zone.

What do I have planned for the rest of the day? Moving T's bedroom upstairs, organizing things a tad better for C downstairs, maybe taking a load of things to the local good will and possibly grabbing the carpet cleaner from my Mom's to get the living room looking like we don't use it quite as much as we do. I'd love to get some slip covers for the couches in there, as well but that will have to wait I'm sure. I will also do some errands later, including IKEA, if I can get everything set up. Seems like a little bit too much for one day, but a girl can dream right?

I'll report back later.

Read this.

J.K. Rowling's commencement speech at Harvard. Worth every second.

Thank Heaven for good family and friends.

My life has been a whirlwind for a while, as most of you know. I'm so blessed with wonderful family and friends, who are constantly looking out for me and thinking of ways to make our life better. My Dad, earlier this spring, mentioned a "Science Camp" at the local community college and made all the necessary arrangements for T to go - including the enlistment of T's best friend C to go with him. I dropped them off this morning, and let me tell you - I'm so glad that my Dad took that on and followed through with it. The boys were very excited. They work together in teams (they are a natural team) for four days in four different areas of science. Yesterday they did bridge building. Today they will be working on robotics. As I watched them running into the building, I couldn't help but be a little overwhelmed with gratitude, not just to my Dad but to the many many people who are there for us, making our lives better. Here's to all of you. I love you dearly!

Reassuring Q.

Mommy, am I a good boy?

Yes, Q you are a good boy.

Do you love me, Mommy?

Yes, Q. I love you very much. I love being your Mommy.

So, I'm a good boy? I'm not a bad boy?

Well, sweetie, sometimes when you do things like paint your sister's wall, and bed, and carpet I don't like cleaning it very much. Sometimes those things make me a little crazy, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad boy. You are a good boy.

So you love me?

Yes, sweetheart. I love you.

My poor baby is suffering like any 5 year old would under the current circumstances. I have to say, however that I am extremely impressed with how he is doing. He is my "no changes under any condition" child. It took him 6 months (at 3 1/2 years old) to accept the fact that we were living in a new house and wouldn't be returning to the old one. It is a very very good thing that my family has been so helpful and supportive. It is a good thing that he loves his Grandma and Grandpa so much. Although he is asking a lot of questions, there has actually been less angry demanding that "everything return to it's prior condition." When we moved, he'd say things like, "Mom, you need to call the tainers back so Dad can put all of our things back and we can go back to our house." He's say things like that two or three times a day, well - probably more. He still can't go by that house without demanding from the back seat that we make the new owners give it back to us. What a kid. I think that it will take years to really see how all of the changes have affected him. There is still a great deal that remains to be seen, but at least for now, he seems to be doing well. I talk to him. I hold him when he just needs to feel close and safe. I cry when he paints walls. We move forward day by day. There have been far more good days than bad days in the last two weeks. More like there have been a few difficult hours, but for the most part, it has been very good. This is no small miracle.

Second Week of Work.

A friend saw me at work this week - both of us were very surprised.

"What about your kids? How are you going to do it?" he asked.

"Have you heard of faith?" I replied.

It's much more than faith, however. Faith has been the thing that has allowed me to go down this road, confident that the Lord would lead me to the right place. Faith has taken me this far in the sense that I had the courage to act. It has enabled me to keep moving when I felt lost. It has renewed me and given me peace. The job my faith took me to is, as I have said before, completely different from what I originally had in mind, but it has also been much better than I imagined. I enjoy the people I'm working with tremendously. Our customers literally come from all over the world which appeals to my sense of curiosity and adventure. Today I was helping a married couple from Hungary - both Doctors. The were so much fun. I love that aspect more than I can say.

It isn't faith, however that has cared for my children. My family has enthusiastically embraced that role with love. If I had an 8 to 5 job, I would be with kids in the evening. Because my hours are crazy, the kids have needed a lot of care in the evenings. My schedule has made more room for D to be with them and care for them, which is good for everyone. D and the kids see each other more than they would otherwise, which is a win win situation. Everyone is happier. That is one of the miracles that has come from trusting in the Lord. Things that I thought would be impossible have proved not only to be possible but to be better than what I had personally planned. Have you noticed how often that is the case?

The kids are doing okay. Poor Q is overwhelmed by all of the changes. His dad moved to his new apartment on Saturday, and his Mom is working away from home for the first time in his life. It is easy to see that he is torn and filled with emotion that he doesn't understand.  I took time when I got home today to sit with him and talk. He cried and told me all about how he wants things to be. Then he settled down and started to boss me around as usual. I knew then that he was feeling a little better. He fell asleep in my arms and the girls came in to have their turns to sit and talk. Dishes can wait for later because there is only so much time to hug and talk to my children. We all need that time. I feel really blessed to have them to come home to, they are my motivation. They are the reason I want to succeed, learn and work hard.

I'm very tired now, it's time to get everyone to bed. E says I should just put "The End" and be done. I think it's very good advice, there will be time to write another day. 

"The End"

"Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

While I was writing this morning, I heard Q in the bathroom filling up the sink and thought myself very smart for checking on him. Little did I know that in the half hour I thought they were watching Word World they had been downstairs “painting” E’s room. Poor A, I scared her to death when I came downstairs and saw the mess. I started screaming like a kid at a horror show. “Aaaaaahhhhh!!!!”

They had opened three cans of paint and covered a 4’x6’ area on the wall by her bed. There was paint on the bedding, on the carpet, on the curtains of her closet. It has taken me about an hour to get it cleaned up. It was still quite wet when I discovered it and so most of it came off. A little magic eraser took care of what was left on the wall after a wet towel. There was still some left on the wallpaper border, but I have plenty of the border to switch out the damaged portion. It may not come out of the bedding completely, but it will be okay. I’ve wanted to get E a runner for by the door/bed - now I have an even better reason. . . paint residue.

I had so many plans for that hour. I feel like I need a day off from my day off. Q has learned a pretty serious lesson. On the other hand, so have I.

First Week of Work.

Okay, so it was great. By the end of the week, I was looking forward to going - truly. It was just very frankly more fun than I thought it could be. There are tons of little tasks that I can do to keep myself busy when things are slower. It is sales, but most of all, it just feels like helping people. That was very natural and fun for me. The people I’m working with are interesting and caring. They want to know about my life and seem genuinely amazed about the way I’m handling everything that is coming at me. One of the ladies (probably in her 60’s) said to me at the end of the week, “You are a breath of fresh air. You are so refreshing . . . really, you are."
I hope that I can always make things fun. I want be Christlike, especially at work. I come into contact with so many people from so many parts of the world all day long. We are the first stop from the airport and we have quite a few out of town visitors.
I learned that I have a little more of a competitive spirit than I imagined, as well. That will have to be kept in check. I like everyone so well. I want to make sure that my friends are treated well. I want to be sure that I maintain good relationships and do my part. So, verdict on the first week? It couldn’t have been better, honestly - unless it were closer to home, I guess.
My family has been amazing, as well. They want to share my load and we will work together to be sure that my children are well cared for. I'm so grateful for their willingness to help us - for the love they show and the way they have stood by me through these days.
I have four days off - my next day at work is Wednesday. I have a lot to do before then, and thank heaven for that. Keeps me busy and focused. Most of all, I want to give my children the things that they need. I want them to have every chance to flourish in these crazy times.

Quality

From Eckhart Tolle

"Success isn't anything other than a successful present moment. And what is that? There is a sense of quality in what you do, even the most simple action. Quality implies care and attention, which come with awareness...By realizing that your entire life journey ultimately consists of the step you are taking at the this moment. There is always only this one step, and so you give it your fullest attention. This doesn't mean you don't know where you are going; it just means this step is primary, the destination secondary."

I'm going to be thinking about this today as I'm walking around the store. It is something great to chew on. It's what I've been trying to do this year, pay attention to the moments so that they don't get away from me. I have reason to do that now more than ever. I promise I'll put something about work in on Sunday. Things are going well, I've enjoyed myself - although my body is just aching by the end of the day. Tonight will be my first 1 to 10 shift. I like being in the store. I think that summer evenings will be busy - so it should be fun.

Enjoy your steps today.

Back to work . . .

Next week will be my first week of work, and my schedule? 

Ack! Here it is.

Monday - 6 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Tuesday - 11 a.m. to 8 p.m.
Wednesday - 1 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Thursday - 1 p.m. to 10 p.m.
Friday - 2 p.m. to 11 p.m.

At times like this, it's good to know that you're on the right track, because nothing about that schedule (except that I have the entire weekend off) looks like something I'd actually consider possible. On the other hand - it is just another opportunity for me to watch the hand of the Lord work in my life, and who doesn't need more miracles? I've been hanging out in that 'in need of little daily miracles' territory for a while, and although I truly can say that the Lord has provided, I can also say that in my case He seems to be choosing REALLY DRAMATIC WAYS to do that providing. There isn't any explanation for the events that have transpired and also no way that I will be able to take any credit for pulling it off. It is far beyond me, but very much within the Lord's power to bring together the necessary resources to make this an actual functioning plan. One week and day at a time, it's a good pace. It's a manageable pace.

Thankfully, I'm closing a lot next week because someone will be on vacation - I don't expect that to be a typical week. Also, miraculously, although the just never start people with the designation of full-time, even when they are working full time hours, and they generally have you prove yourself in terms of sales before they offer a full-time designation, they will be bringing me on full-time, which means that I'll be eligible for health benefits in 90 days. 

So there it is. Is this the craziest thing you've ever heard, or what?

Adventuring in the unknown.

I think it's pretty safe to make an announcement now, since I'm going in tomorrow morning to talk to my new manager about the job details. I have to say that I am completely floored at what I am about to announce. Despite that, however, I just keep getting that "where I'm supposed to be" feeling -  and it is truly the only thing that has presented itself as a viable option. I am going to be working at Z Gallerie in The Gateway.

I've been putting applications in since April. I've had a few interviews, tested for a couple of Temporary Employment companies. I did fabulously, but there just hasn't seemed to be anything for me. I had been looking for clerical work because I hadn't been able to find anything in Interior Design, which is my degree field.

So this is how it went. Last Wednesday, I went down to the Apple store with my computer because it was crashing a lot. (Apples don't generally crash a lot, you know?) While they were working on it, I went into Z Gallerie to check it out - I had never been in the store before. As it turned out, they were looking for people - and I really did like the store, so I took an application and figured maybe I'd fill it out later. After checking on the computer, I had another half hour to wait, so I decided to go back, fill out the application and turn it in. Friday afternoon the manager called wondering when I could come in for an interview. We set that up for Saturday night, because that was the soonest I'd be available. (My family was in Bear Lake over the weekend.) They had me come in today for a "working interview" which was mainly just to see how I felt about talking to people. It was fun. I'm sure I'll get the hang of what to say and do in time - but I really enjoyed myself. I like helping people. The manager asked me to come in tomorrow morning (7:30 a.m.) so that we could sit down and sort out all the details. 

On the way home, I wondered what the universe was bringing to me in the form of this job. I thought about how far from my original plan it was - and still how good I feel about it. It is absolutely crazy how I ended up here, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn new things and work in "my field". Most of the places I talked to were looking for past retail experience more than a degree. This place was very willing to accept me as I am, pays what I need to be paid - with bonuses rather than commission - and because of the road I've been on, I recognize the blessing of simply having a job. Feeling that it is the best place for me right now helps me lay aside my worries about the schedule and my inadequacies. One other funny side note, Dr. Laura was telling someone just about the same things today. Sometimes doors close and doors open but we are so busy pounding on the closed door that we don't even think to go through the open door. I felt so great about that. I was thinking to myself that at that very moment I was walking through that open door, ready for the gifts the universe was bringing me. That felt great, it felt healthy, it was a confirmation of my own feelings and the action I was taking. It feels amazing to be moving in a direction - even if it is completely different from what I imagined. That's what adventure is all about right? 

Hella.

My baby, A, is O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D with Cinderella. From her tiny lips, it's "Hella" this and "Hella" that - but there is no mistaking what she means by that. We have a book of Disney Princess stories that I got for E a couple of years ago. A carries it around, perusing "Hella's" story a few times a day. Every chance she gets, she'll sit quietly and watch the entire movie. Once in a while she'll say something like, "Funny" or "I wuff it, mama." (For those not speaking my baby's lingo - that's "I love it . . ." Her favorite part of the story is when Cinderella brings the glass slipper out of her pocket. She made me stop the first time I read that part to her. We had quite a conversation about "pot-its" and how great it was that "Hella" had a shoe in her "pot-it". I'm pretty sure that she was thinking something like, "Wow! So shoes come from pockets! I had no I idea! I wonder when I'm going to find shoes in my pockets!" Why am I so sure? Well, my dearest little one is also very shoe obsessed, and dog obsessed - which sheds a little more light on why she is so "Hella" obsessed. This story has it all: dogs, shoes, pretty dresses and pumpkins that turn into transportation. (I don't think she cares much about the prince at this point, and I'm okay with that.) I did just mention the pretty dresses, though, didn't I. Part of her obsession has to do with a Cinderella costume that E got for her fifth birthday. All I need say is that it is sometimes a struggle to get if off of A - it must be washed from time to time. I make her wear clothes underneath - but she can ignore that, as long as I immediately put "Hella" back on. Great Grandma thinks I might be just a little off my rocker - a child always dressing in a costume. On the other hand, it's just so darned adorable. I'm pretty sure that I am off my rocker, at least a little bit. I just can't help it. Watching her run around the house in that get-up makes my day. She is a little princess, and I'm glad that she knows it. It's good to have a sense of your own worth and I don't think she has over estimated herself one tiny bit. She is such a bright spot of sunshine. She makes every day worth living just to know I'm going to get a big hug and kiss from her somewhere along the way.